“I will make you lie down in green pastures.” Psalm 23:2

This was the phrase God whispered (then started to scream) to me in response to my question “Why?”  I knew that I was not being fully obedient to what God had asked me to do, which I quickly remedied as I described in part 2.  However, once my book manuscript was completed I realized this was not the only thing God wanted me to change.

The entire sentence in the 23^rd Psalm is “He makes me lie down in green pastures,

He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.”  Yes, God had made me lie down; quite literally lie in a hospital bed, but what could possibly be “green” about this experience?  Just as any near death or traumatic experience tends to do, this caused me to take a pretty honest and raw look at my life.  My lack of writing was only a portion of what God wanted me to see, here are a few of the other things I have learned about myself.

1. How “loud” my life had become.

It is a pretty common thing in life, and especially youth ministry, to view busyness as a badge of honor.  I did not realize how busy my life had become until everything came to a screeching halt that Thursday evening.  I was not doing bad things, but between my young family, my church, my friends, and my hobbies my life was moving at mach 10.  Quiet waters suddenly did describe my life and I quickly realized how much I liked it.

2. How complacent I had become in my faith.

Being a pastor means that almost no one asks how your faith journey is going, and very few people ever asked me (a few people did but I often just gave the token “good” in response).  I think every Christian thinks they “give God everything” and I certainly thought I had.  Again, I wasn’t doing anything bad with my life, but I had become very comfortable in my busy life, routine devotions, and continual church involvement to where I was not growing much in my own faith.  The biggest problem with this was how comfortable I really was.  I was living an incredibly blessed life and there was no reason to change anything (so I thought).  My comfort had become a dead end rut and I had not even realized it.

3. That my soul did need restored.

God knew something needed to change for me even though I didn’t.  Many times I have thought about what my life would be like today if I had never crashed, and I can honestly say I would rather be where I am right now instead.  Being in the spiritual rut I had created was getting boring, and I was taking steps through selfish decisions to make it more exciting (like devoting a lot more time and money to dirt bikes).  Even now as I am searching for a publisher for my book and tallying more and more rejections, God continues to show me how selfish of a life I was leading.  I like to be in control, and I now see how much that has affected everything in my life including my faith.

I am still in the process of being transformed by God, and wrestling with how to ACTUALLY give God everything, but now I know God is making progress with me again.  A book that has helped me quite a bit in putting this all in perspective is Maximum Faith by George Barna.  If you have been a Christian for any length of time or are bored with your faith I highly suggest it.  My hope is you don’t have to end up within an inch of your life being over like I did for God to get your attention.

 If you are a Christian, even if you are a youth worker or pastor, how is YOUR faith journey going?  I would love to hear your answer, and don’t send me a token “everything is good”! 

I will do one more post to conclude this series including some pictures of my scraped up bike, my broken helmet, and my not broken anymore arm.