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Thoughts From the Past Thursday: Prepare for the Inevitable
As another graduation season approaches, I am once again reminded of this sobering youth ministry fact. This was originally posted on June 14th, 2011.
There is something about teenagers that every youth worker needs to realize. This is going to happen to 100% of the students in every ministry. It is never a major surprise when it happens but often times it is tragic.
They get to old to attend youth programs.
The typical youth ministry does a pretty bad job of preparing teenagers for this, which is one of the major contributing factors to one of the most embarrassing statistics attached to youth ministry; the percentage of graduates that remain in the church. (I believe there are several contributing factors to this, not just this one)
What has been the typical response when this inevitable event occurs? If your church counts weekend attendance using more than 3 zeros you transition them on to the 18-24 year old program. If not, we either send them off to “big church” not expecting to ever see them again or we make them a volunteer leader in the youth ministry. Any of these, especially in smaller churches, have minimal rates of success (typically) and sometimes produce more problems.
Right now after celebrating another graduation season and taking a hard truthful look at our entire youth ministry I am wondering how we can do better. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade and my personal track record does not beat the average of how many of those former youth group members are actively living for and serving God. Here are a few hard questions I have asked myself.
Does relationship end at the same time as their program attendance?
The core message of the Bible is relationship; with God, with other Christians, and with the world. Even guys I have personally discipled for years I hardly ever (or never) talk to after graduation. Yes, there is a list of excuses, not to mention the list of new students that come in as the old ones graduate, but I am embarrassed to admit how bad I am at keeping in touch.
Ultimately it is not MY relationship with them that matters most, but their relationship with God. If all we have done in our four to six years with them is attaching their faith to our programs we are setting them up for failure. They need to know how to grow in their faith on their own, not just at church.
What is my real goal for them?
Is the goal of youth ministry behavior modification? For a lot of parents, church boards, and even youth workers it is. I realize how bad that sounds, but if we feel successful based on how many students are in the church’s graduating class, and how many of those are still virgins and/or don’t have a criminal record then it probably is.
Our goal for them needs to be spiritual transformation. Programs can certainly aid in that goal, but they are just a means to this goal, not the goal itself. A lot of what I see in the youth ministry world is program ideas. I need some more spiritual transformation ideas. I know how to entertain students, I am still trying to figure out more ways I can aid God in transforming them from His creation to His child. How can I help them move God from just savior to actually being their Lord? From trying so hard to blend into the world to sharing God’s heart and wanting to change the world?
Every student that I meet is going to get too old to attend our youth ministry. I don’t want to be a part of setting them up for failure any longer. Are you with me? What are some of your “spiritual transformation” ideas?
Thoughts From the Past Thursday: Leading the Way or Hindering the Journey?
This post has been getting quite a bit of traffic lately, and I am not sure why. But, that is why I chose to share it again this week. It was originally posted July 11th, 2011.
When was the last time you thought about your own spiritual journey? If you are a Spiritual leader of any kind; a youth worker, a parent, or a believer for that matter you need to think about it.
Over the past several months of my life, I have thought a lot about my own spiritual journey. It started with my bike wreck; you can read about that here. It continued with a visit to Spokane,WA and the church I accepted Christ as my personal savior at when I was six years old.
It continued as I sought God about the youth ministry I lead, evaluate how we are doing things, and what needs to change for us to move forward. And it all seemed to culminate at Jr. High camp a few weeks ago (you can read about that here and how it affected me here).
I am sure there has been much written about spiritual journeys and the transformation process, but a summary that has helped me sort all this out is from George Barna’s recent book Maximum Faith. He summarizes it as 10 stops on the transformation journey:
Stop 1: Ignorance of and indifferent to sin
Stop 2: Aware of and indifferent to sin
Stop 3: Concerned about the implications of personal sin
Stop 4: Confess sins and ask Jesus Christ to be their savior
Stop 5: Commitment to faith activities (behavior modification)
Stop 6: Experience a prolonged period of spiritual discontent
Stop 7: Experiencing personal brokenness
Stop 8: Choosing to surrender and submit fully to God: radical dependence (Jesus becomes Lord)
Stop 9: Enjoy a profound intimacy with and love for God
Stop 10: Experience a profound compassion and love for humanity (see the world through God’s eyes)
*The parenthesis is my interpretation/summary/clarification of the stop
Where are you at on this transformation journey? Especially if you are a full time pastor, chances are you have not had to honestly answer that question in many years, maybe never. Many people never make it beyond stop 6, and during that time of spiritual discontent either leave the church completely (like after graduation) or settle back into stop 5 thinking that is all the church, and God, has to offer them. So where are you?
I can honestly tell you that God, over the past few years or so, has slung me from stop 5 to stop 9 in a whirlwind of experiences. As I reflect on all this, two key things keep popping up in my mind and heart.
I cannot lead someone where I have not been myself
Most churches (especially youth ministries) do a great job programming up to stop 5. Stop 6 through 10 become very personal and nearly impossible to program. The only way I can help anyone through those last five stops is by personal encouragement, prayer, and leading by example (sounds a lot like discipleship). If I have not gone through those stops myself, I cannot guide anyone else through them. It does not matter if that person is a teenager, my own sons, or my next door neighbor. If I have not navigated through those stops, no one I am leading will either.
I will not ask a student to do something I will not do myself
This has been one of my core values as a youth worker from day one. I tell my volunteer team this applies to everything from scrubbing a toilet on a retreat to reading my Bible daily and everything in between. We all follow what we see before what we hear, especially if you are under the age of 18. So what example are you setting? Not by what you say, teach, or preach; by what you do. Your own spiritual journey is the most important thing for you to focus on as a spiritual leader, yet the more we “do” the more we tend to neglect our own faith.
When is the last time you read the Bible just to read, not for a lesson or to prepare a message? When have you prayed for more than a few minutes and not done all the talking? When have you been in silence for more than the time it takes to go to the bathroom? When did you last fast?
1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV) 1Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
What example are you really setting?
Perception Isn’t Reality…But It Is.
Most every youth worker has had a similar experience: You must have a heart to heart talk with a student. A behavior problem, the rumor mill, or a social situation turned bad and you have to step in. So you gracefully talk it through, even pray for them and end with a hug (side one of course). Everything is resolved…until they go and tell their friends and their parents that they got yelled at by their youth pastor.
You work hard to keep a healthy balance in your life. You are careful what you say yes to, you guard your evenings at home, you give your all when at church or an event, and you even turn your phone off sometimes. Yet there are still people who think you don’t do enough at church and your kids still say that Daddy is hardly ever home.
It happens often, I have seen it happen several times recently in my life and ministry; what people perceive they believe as truth. Often times information is miss-interpreted, facts are ignored, an assumption is made, and suddenly whatever was perceived is now more truth than what actually happened.
Especially within the church, decisions get made largely on perception and not always on truth. Churches are made up of people, and every person at some point has acted on a false perception. It has been done to me, and I have done it to others. Recently a ministry friend was fired from his church because of perception, not facts. Listening to his story was difficult, but somewhat predictable.
As a leader, whether in the church or not, you need to be aware of this concept, and try to counteract it as much as possible. Here are a few things that have helped me.
Look at possible perceptions of a situation, not just the facts.
We recently hired a new youth intern at my church. Every intern I have ever had serve with me before now has been male. We hired a female this time. My office (and intern offices) are in a separate building on our property – so her office had to be moved into the main building. That decision was completely based on possible perceptions, not on facts.
While preparing a message, make sure you think about how your words could be perceived, not just about what you are going to say. Ask yourself if you are reacting to a situation or to your perception of the situation. As a leader, especially in the church, you need to think one step past the facts and look at the possible perceptions.
Realize you are accountable to God first.
Even if you take perceptions into account, you are going to make decisions that others don’t like. That is a reality of leadership. If you acted completely based on possible perceptions you would end up not doing anything…ever.
Romans 9:1 (NLT) With Christ as my witness, I speak with utter truthfulness. My conscience and the Holy Spirit confirm it.
Paul understands that his words are being perceived as harsh, but he also knows that he is accountable to God for his leadership. He was not willing to change his message so everyone listening would feel good. If you made every decision based on possible perceptions that is exactly what you would be doing. If God has called you to Spiritual leadership, whether with teenagers or otherwise, know that you are accountable to Him first.
Once again, a proper balance must be found. Stay true to what God has called you to do as a leader, but you can also side step a few potential land mines if you think about the possible perceptions before you act.
When has perception blown up in your face? Do you act more on facts or perception?
I Like Milk!!
The last couple days have been a struggle to get everyone ready and out the door in the morning. I have three boys and I have “Dad duty” every morning to get us all ready for the day and dropped off at school/daycare.
I am not complaining at all, in fact I value the time I have with my boys in the morning, especially because of the evenings I am gone with church stuff. The biggest challenge has been with our youngest who just turned 4, and this morning I realized at least one of the reasons why.
I am very (very, very, very) happy to be done with the baby stage. No more five point car seats, no more feeding schedules, no more diapers, no more…(I could go on but if you have a baby I don’t want to depress you too much). When I see families with babies or toddlers it only reminds me how glad I am to be done with that phase of our life.
This morning as Cameron struggled with his attitude (and so did I) I realized that my expectations of him were not realistic. I am so glad for our boys to have some independence I forget what is appropriate for a four year old. His older brothers can do it, so he should be able to as well…but I easily forget that they are two and four years older than him.
For him to learn and mature I need to have realistic expectations and take the time to help and teach him. Otherwise we will both be extremely frustrated, which is not good for either one of us. But it isn’t just about me, I have to teach and he has to learn and try.
What is true in the physical world is often times true in the Spiritual world.
Hebrews 5:11-14 (NIV) We have much to say about this, but it is hard to make it clear to you because you no longer try to understand. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.
Here we see some lazy Christians being called out on their lack of growth. As a spiritual leader I need to have realistic expectations for those I am teaching and discipling, and they need to learn, try, and actually grow.
Take a moment and think about how many students in your sphere of influence need milk and now many need solid food. Is your teaching and your expectations appropriate? If they aren’t growing what needs to change? Is it you? Is it them? Most likely it is a combination of both.
I realize for me with my own kids and for the teenagers God has put in my life it is a combination of both. How about for you?
What has made the cut?
You might not have noticed yet, but September is almost over. By now, summer is a not so distant memory and we are well into fall. Fall typically brings with it a major transition in everyone’s schedule. School, fall sports, church programs, and other things all start back up and we all settle into a new schedule and day-to-day routine.
As I look at my own life and schedule, I realize that some things have made the cut and are a regular part of my new routine. There are also things that didn’t make the cut. Some of them are not a big deal and don’t need a place anyway–like playing words with friends on my phone. Others that for whatever reason didn’t make the cut need to find a place–like blogging. This is something I want to do, but up until this point has not been a part of my new routine. At this point in the fall it is time to take a step back, evaluate what made the cut and what didn’t, and decide what changes I need to make.
As I look at my church and youth ministry, I realize that for some students and families church has made the cut in their new schedules and not for others. I fully understand that church attendance does not automatically reflect someone’s spiritual health, but it can. If church has not made the cut into their new schedule, it is my job as a spiritual leader to ask why. As I evaluate my own life and schedule, I need to encourage others to do the same.
What has made the cut in your new schedule? What is there that shouldn’t be? What isn’t there that needs to be? Who do you need to help ask these same questions in their life?
I don’t know about you, but I have some rearranging to do in my schedule and some phone calls to make. My guess is you do to.
Leading the Way or Hindering the Journey?
When was the last time you thought about your own spiritual journey? If you are a Spiritual leader of any kind; a youth worker, a parent, or a believer for that matter you need to think about it.
Over the past several months of my life, I have thought a lot about my own spiritual journey. It started with my bike wreck; you can read about that here. It continued with a visit to Spokane,WA and the church I accepted Christ as my personal savior at when I was six years old.
It continued as I sought God about the youth ministry I lead, evaluate how we are doing things, and what needs to change for us to move forward. And it all seemed to culminate at Jr. High camp a few weeks ago (you can read about that here and how it affected me here).
I am sure there has been much written about spiritual journeys and the transformation process, but a summary that has helped me sort all this out is from George Barna’s recent book Maximum Faith. He summarizes it as 10 stops on the transformation journey:
Stop 1: Ignorance of and indifferent to sin
Stop 2: Aware of and indifferent to sin
Stop 3: Concerned about the implications of personal sin
Stop 4: Confess sins and ask Jesus Christ to be their savior
Stop 5: Commitment to faith activities (behavior modification)
Stop 6: Experience a prolonged period of spiritual discontent
Stop 7: Experiencing personal brokenness
Stop 8: Choosing to surrender and submit fully to God: radical dependence (Jesus becomes Lord)
Stop 9: Enjoy a profound intimacy with and love for God
Stop 10: Experience a profound compassion and love for humanity (see the world through God’s eyes)
*The parenthesis is my interpretation/summary/clarification of the stop
Where are you at on this transformation journey? Especially if you are a full time pastor, chances are you have not had to honestly answer that question in many years, maybe never. Many people never make it beyond stop 6, and during that time of spiritual discontent either leave the church completely (like after graduation) or settle back into stop 5 thinking that is all the church, and God, has to offer them. So where are you?
I can honestly tell you that God, over the past few years or so, has slung me from stop 5 to stop 9 in a whirlwind of experiences. As I reflect on all this, two key things keep popping up in my mind and heart.
I cannot lead someone where I have not been myself
Most churches (especially youth ministries) do a great job programming up to stop 5. Stop 6 through 10 become very personal and nearly impossible to program. The only way I can help anyone through those last five stops is by personal encouragement, prayer, and leading by example (sounds a lot like discipleship). If I have not gone through those stops myself, I cannot guide anyone else through them. It does not matter if that person is a teenager, my own sons, or my next door neighbor. If I have not navigated through those stops, no one I am leading will either.
I will not ask a student to do something I will not do myself
This has been one of my core values as a youth worker from day one. I tell my volunteer team this applies to everything from scrubbing a toilet on a retreat to reading my Bible daily and everything in between. We all follow what we see before what we hear, especially if you are under the age of 18. So what example are you setting? Not by what you say, teach, or preach; by what you do. Your own spiritual journey is the most important thing for you to focus on as a spiritual leader, yet the more we “do” the more we tend to neglect our own faith.
When is the last time you read the Bible just to read, not for a lesson or to prepare a message? When have you prayed for more than a few minutes and not done all the talking? When have you been in silence for more than the time it takes to go to the bathroom? When did you last fast?
1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV) 1Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
What example are you really setting?
Prepare for the Inevitable
There is something about teenagers that every youth worker needs to realize. This is going to happen to 100% of the students in every ministry. It is never a major surprise when it happens but often times it is tragic.
They get to old to attend youth programs.
The typical youth ministry does a pretty bad job of preparing teenagers for this, which is one of the major contributing factors to one of the most embarrassing statistics attached to youth ministry; the percentage of graduates that remain in the church. (I believe there are several contributing factors to this, not just this one)
What has been the typical response when this inevitable event occurs? If your church counts weekend attendance using more than 3 zeros you transition them on to the 18-24 year old program. If not, we either send them off to “big church” not expecting to ever see them again or we make them a volunteer leader in the youth ministry. Any of these, especially in smaller churches, have minimal rates of success (typically) and sometimes produce more problems.
Right now after celebrating another graduation season and taking a hard truthful look at our entire youth ministry I am wondering how we can do better. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade and my personal track record does not beat the average of how many of those former youth group members are actively living for and serving God. Here are a few hard questions I have asked myself.
Does relationship end at the same time as their program attendance?
The core message of the Bible is relationship; with God, with other Christians, and with the world. Even guys I have personally discipled for years I hardly ever (or never) talk to after graduation. Yes, there is a list of excuses, not to mention the list of new students that come in as the old ones graduate, but I am embarrassed to admit how bad I am at keeping in touch.
Ultimately it is not MY relationship with them that matters most, but their relationship with God. If all we have done in our four to six years with them is attaching their faith to our programs we are setting them up for failure. They need to know how to grow in their faith on their own, not just at church.
What is my real goal for them?
Is the goal of youth ministry behavior modification? For a lot of parents, church boards, and even youth workers it is. I realize how bad that sounds, but if we feel successful based on how many students are in the church’s graduating class, and how many of those are still virgins and/or don’t have a criminal record then it probably is.
Our goal for them needs to be spiritual transformation. Programs can certainly aid in that goal, but they are just a means to this goal, not the goal itself. A lot of what I see in the youth ministry world is program ideas. I need some more spiritual transformation ideas. I know how to entertain students, I am still trying to figure out more ways I can aid God in transforming them from His creation to His child. How can I help them move God from just savior to actually being their Lord? From trying so hard to blend into the world to sharing God’s heart and wanting to change the world?
Every student that I meet is going to get too old to attend our youth ministry. I don’t want to be a part of setting them up for failure any longer. Are you with me? What are some of your “spiritual transformation” ideas?
Why I Write
Recently I have seen a few other blogs answer this question, and I have been thinking about it for days. Especially since starting this blog a week ago it is definitely a question that I needed to answer for myself. I have done more “self promotion” in the last week than ever before and truthfully I don’t like doing it. But I am realizing that in order for my book to ever be published it is something I must do.
With that said I don’t want anyone to think my writing is an attempt to be famous or rich which is simply not true. Here are the reasons why I write and will continue to write.
- It helps me be a better Christian. I am a conversational learner, I think out loud, and most of my ideas need to be processed through. Writing helps me do this when I have no one to talk to or annoy with my ramblings. I was taught as a teenager to journal my devotions and I now have a shelf in my office with several full notebooks that constitute years and years of quiet times. Writing has truly become a spiritual discipline for me.
- It helps me be a better youth worker. Because of all the same reasons I stated above it is important for me to have a way to process through ministry ideas as I grow and learn ways to better minister to teenagers and to the church as a whole. As more and more pages in my journals became devoted to my views of youth ministry, they eventually (over a year long process) turned into my book manuscript. Once the manuscript was finished I realized how important the time I spent writing had become to me and I needed to replace it with something; one of the main reasons for this blog.
- I want to pass on the investment. There have been many people who have and continue to invest a lot of themselves into me; through their writing, through conversations, through accountability relationships, through friendships, through conferences, through training articles, etc., etc., etc. Some of these people know me and how important their investments are to me, and others (authors, speakers, bloggers) have no idea who I am or how much they have helped me. I am not a perfect person and I don’t know all the answers, but I do want to follow their example and pass on the investment to others as best I can. I feel my writing is one way I can do this, so as I learn I hope others can learn along with me.
That is why I write.
What Season Is It?
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV) 1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.
I am about to make one of the most humbling statements any spiritual leader can make. Are you ready, here it comes…
My church and my youth ministry are both in a sowing season.
I had two separate conversations last week, one with a youth worker and one with a senior pastor, and both of them were relieved to hear me say that. To be able to admit it, not be ashamed of it, and not just give the token “things are fine, we are growing” pad answer.
The truth is you cannot always be in a harvest season, but for spiritual leaders (especially youth workers) it is very hard to admit if we aren’t. In Mark chapter 11 Jesus has a little run in with a certain fig tree:
Mark 11:12 – 14 (NIV) 12The next day as they were leaving Bethany, Jesus was hungry. 13Seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to find out if it had any fruit. When he reached it, he found nothing but leaves, because it was not the season for figs. 14Then he said to the tree, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard him say it.
My question is this: what made Jesus so upset? Obviously he didn’t hate trees—but he was teaching his disciples a very important lesson. Jesus was upset because the tree was not being true to the season it was in. If a fig tree has leaves, it is supposed to have fruit. But “it was not the season for figs.” The tree was faking it, there was no fruit but it wanted everyone that looked at it to think there was. It couldn’t admit it was not harvest season.
To state it bluntly: if you or your church or ministry is not in a harvest season, don’t try and fake it, just admit that you aren’t. Believe me; I know how hard it is to do that. But it is OK to not always be in a harvest season, as long as we do the right things when we aren’t.
What do I need to do once I admit I am in a sowing season?
I don’t have all the answers, but here are a few things God has shown me as I walk through my own sowing season:
Seek God more than you ever have before
Reading scripture, prayer, solitude, fasting… All of the above-at the same time!
Jeremiah 5:24 – 25 (NIV) 24…‘Let us fear the LORD our God, who gives autumn and spring rains in season, who assures us of the regular weeks of harvest.’ 25 Your wrongdoings have kept these away; your sins have deprived you of good.
During those times ask God for wisdom on what needs to be done or changed to bring on the next harvest. It may be something that needs to change about you. It may be something that needs to change in your church or ministry environment. Just be open to the truth when God speaks it (and remember God speaks in a still small voice, so you have to slow down to hear it)
Plow
I am not a farmer, but I do understand what has to be done in the times between harvests. If you don’t plow, cultivate, fertilize, and plant new seeds the next harvest will never arrive.
Proverbs 20:4 (NIV) 4 A sluggard does not plow in season; so at harvest time he looks but finds nothing.
Once God speaks to you about what needs to be done or changed to bring on the next harvest, you have to actually do it. Make the sacrifice, have the hard conversation, do whatever it is that you have been putting off. Often times we know what needs to be done, we just drag our feet until it is too late or too much damage has been done. Do the work God needs you to do to move forward.
Keep going and give God your best no matter what
2 Timothy 4:2 (NIV) 2Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.
Even if you are not in a harvest season, God still needs you to be faithful. The people that make the biggest spiritual strides during your sowing season will be the leadership during the next harvest. Anyone can be a good pastor and/or leader when everything they touch or do is turning to gold, be an even better pastor/leader when things aren’t going right.
The encouraging thing is that in all three of these passages, it implies that another harvest is right around the corner. I have faith and trust in God that he will bring another season of harvest, and until he does I will keep trying to do the right things for the season I am in.
