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Thoughts From the Past Thursday: 5 Tips for Graduation Season
Graduation season is here (or just around the corner), so I thought I would pass on these tips to successfully navigate these bitter sweet waters. This was originally posted on May 19th, 2011
It is that time of the year again; graduation season. As a youth worker, you get tons of invites during this season, and at least for me, it is one of my busiest times of the year. All the school year programs are winding down, I am deep in summer planning and trip details, and it is when we do our once a year evaluations and youth staff retreat. And on top of all of that are all of the graduation festivities. Over the years I have come up with some ways to lighten the load during graduation season, here are a few tips:
1. Arrive 45 minutes to an hour late. If you have heard one graduation speech, you have heard them all. And no one is going to quiz you on what the speaker said. If you don’t believe me, try and remember anything that the key note speaker said at your own high school graduation. Exactly…the students don’t care about the speeches, and you don’t need to either (unless a student you know is giving a speech). If you get there in time to watch them walk across the stage and greet them afterward, you are covered.
2. The smaller the school, the longer the ceremony. Small school graduations are almost as bad as 7th grade girls basketball! Since there are fewer people, there is a TON more stories, inside jokes, slide shows, and speeches. And, #1 does not apply, because the students do care about the actual ceremony, and they will notice if you are not there the whole time. So you have to just endure it, but block out at least 3 hours.
3. Family parties are way more important than the formal ceremonies. Sooner or later you will come to a place when you can’t make it to all the graduation festivities; so when you have to choose, choose the family party first. If you are invited to the family party, it means there is a real relationship there and they were not just fishing for a graduation present. So do everything in your power to make the BBQ.
4. Divide and conquer. We hit this wall a few years ago, we had so many invites it was physically impossible to attend them all. That year my wife and I both attended 4 graduations each, and never together! So, divide your volunteer staff up among parties and ceremonies, and send your regards with them. Chances are a lot of students know the volunteer leader better than they know me anyway, so strategically divide up and cover them all.
5. Picture slide shows are not worth it. We broke this tradition a few years ago, and caught some grief for sure. Yet, the only two people that truly care about seeing the baby picture morph into the senior picture is Mom and Dad, not your entire congregation. And despite your best effort, you will always leave someone out, or the picture won’t scan right, or they will send it to the wrong email, or… you get the idea. It is a ton of work, the graduates themselves are typically embarrassed, and most people just endure it. Definitely acknowledge them in church, just leave out the slide show.
There are my top 5 tips for the graduation season. What is your tip?
Thoughts From the Past Thursday: Prepare for the Inevitable
As another graduation season approaches, I am once again reminded of this sobering youth ministry fact. This was originally posted on June 14th, 2011.
There is something about teenagers that every youth worker needs to realize. This is going to happen to 100% of the students in every ministry. It is never a major surprise when it happens but often times it is tragic.
They get to old to attend youth programs.
The typical youth ministry does a pretty bad job of preparing teenagers for this, which is one of the major contributing factors to one of the most embarrassing statistics attached to youth ministry; the percentage of graduates that remain in the church. (I believe there are several contributing factors to this, not just this one)
What has been the typical response when this inevitable event occurs? If your church counts weekend attendance using more than 3 zeros you transition them on to the 18-24 year old program. If not, we either send them off to “big church” not expecting to ever see them again or we make them a volunteer leader in the youth ministry. Any of these, especially in smaller churches, have minimal rates of success (typically) and sometimes produce more problems.
Right now after celebrating another graduation season and taking a hard truthful look at our entire youth ministry I am wondering how we can do better. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade and my personal track record does not beat the average of how many of those former youth group members are actively living for and serving God. Here are a few hard questions I have asked myself.
Does relationship end at the same time as their program attendance?
The core message of the Bible is relationship; with God, with other Christians, and with the world. Even guys I have personally discipled for years I hardly ever (or never) talk to after graduation. Yes, there is a list of excuses, not to mention the list of new students that come in as the old ones graduate, but I am embarrassed to admit how bad I am at keeping in touch.
Ultimately it is not MY relationship with them that matters most, but their relationship with God. If all we have done in our four to six years with them is attaching their faith to our programs we are setting them up for failure. They need to know how to grow in their faith on their own, not just at church.
What is my real goal for them?
Is the goal of youth ministry behavior modification? For a lot of parents, church boards, and even youth workers it is. I realize how bad that sounds, but if we feel successful based on how many students are in the church’s graduating class, and how many of those are still virgins and/or don’t have a criminal record then it probably is.
Our goal for them needs to be spiritual transformation. Programs can certainly aid in that goal, but they are just a means to this goal, not the goal itself. A lot of what I see in the youth ministry world is program ideas. I need some more spiritual transformation ideas. I know how to entertain students, I am still trying to figure out more ways I can aid God in transforming them from His creation to His child. How can I help them move God from just savior to actually being their Lord? From trying so hard to blend into the world to sharing God’s heart and wanting to change the world?
Every student that I meet is going to get too old to attend our youth ministry. I don’t want to be a part of setting them up for failure any longer. Are you with me? What are some of your “spiritual transformation” ideas?
Thoughts From the Past Thursday: Lead by Example…Really
I have found myself using this phrase and talking about it a few times in the last week, so I want to share this with you. This post was originally posted August 19th, 2011.
There is a phrase I have used since day one as a full time youth worker.
“Never ask a student to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself.”
This is a concept that I have tried hard to live by. It is a concept I have tried hard to instill into my volunteer youth staff. It is a concept I hope the students at our church see modeled. During the process of becoming a youth staff member we discuss this concept. I have always said “this applies to everything we do, from doing daily devotions to scrubbing a toilet on a retreat to playing a gross nasty game, don’t ask them to do it if you wont do it.”
Over my many years of serving teenagers, there have been few times I have struggled to live up to this concept. But on our recent mission trip toPuerto Rico, it happened. Jobs were being delegated out at our dorm facility when the next job offered was guys toilet duty. I looked at the other two guys still left to get a job, and they looked at me. Before I really knew what was happening, I heard the words come out of my mouth; “I will do it.”
I grabbed the cleaning supplies offered, and the rubber gloves, and headed off to my doom. As I went from stall to stall, scrubbing away at all eight toilets and four urinals, I kept thinking over and over again in my mind “never ask a student to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself.” (I also repeated the name of the cleaner over and over again, “fabuloso”, just because it was fun to say.)
I see two major reasons why this concept needs to be forefront in the mind of every youth worker.
1. It is the Biblical standard of leadership
Jesus certainly led this way. He asked the disciples to feed the 5,000 before he did it himself. He sent them off to cast out demons and do miracles only after they watched Him do it. He asked Peter, James, and John to pray in the garden of Gethsemane while he himself prayed. The apostle Paul instructed the people of Corinth to “follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)
2. People (especially teenagers) can easily spot a fake
No one likes to be dictated to. Don’t delve out all the cleaning jobs then sit down and drink coffee. No one likes a hypocrite. If you expect students to turn off their cell phones during an event, you better not get a text message half way through your message. (that one was kind of a confession for me…) No one likes to be tortured. If you force a student to eat a live gold fish in the name of entertainment, keep room in your own belly for one. Almost everyone learns by example. If you teach a lesson on ACTS prayer, close that meeting by praying Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication more sincerely than ever before.
As I reflect on this concept, I don’t remember who instilled it in me or who I stole it from. I do know that living out this concept has been one of the keys to my success. I had to live up to my own words a few weeks ago by cleaning toilets, and I am completely O.K. with it. Are you living up to your own words? I hope so.
Thoughts From The Past Thursday: God did a miracle at Jr. High summer camp!
This week I wanted to share with you once again one of the defining events of my life and ministry. This was originally posted June 28th, 2011. Enjoy!
God has done a miracle!
This past week at Jr. High summer camp, God did an incredible miracle. I shared with my church the story of this miracle in the main service last Sunday, so for the details of the story I will let you hear it straight from my mouth:
The Scriptures I used in this message are:
2 Timothy 3:4-5
Ephesians 6:10-12
John 8:44
Acts 2:17
Psalms 29:7
Luke 8:43-46
Philippians 4:7
1 Timothy 4:12
Acts 2:12-13
Acts 2:47
Acts 3:19
Romans 10:9-10
There are two things that God has re-iterated in my mind and heart since this miracle happened.
1. I must now do what I have been telling students to do for years
I have said to students literally hundreds of times “no one can ever argue with your changed life.” I realize that some people are not going to believe that what we experienced at camp was real. but that decision by them does not change what happened or how real it was. This was the most real thing I have ever experienced in my life.
2. I am seeing what I wrote in my book actually happen
I wrote in my book that youth ministry will lead the way in changing the entire church. Not only did God do this miracle through an 8th grade boy, but during the response time on Sunday I saw teenagers who were at camp praying over adults as they accepted Christ and/or rededicated their lives to Christ. God has begun changing our church and our youth are leading the way. I am still amazed as I watch this happen in front of me. Now I just need to live out what God led me to write.
Thoughts From the Past Thursday: Leading the Way or Hindering the Journey?
This post has been getting quite a bit of traffic lately, and I am not sure why. But, that is why I chose to share it again this week. It was originally posted July 11th, 2011.
When was the last time you thought about your own spiritual journey? If you are a Spiritual leader of any kind; a youth worker, a parent, or a believer for that matter you need to think about it.
Over the past several months of my life, I have thought a lot about my own spiritual journey. It started with my bike wreck; you can read about that here. It continued with a visit to Spokane,WA and the church I accepted Christ as my personal savior at when I was six years old.
It continued as I sought God about the youth ministry I lead, evaluate how we are doing things, and what needs to change for us to move forward. And it all seemed to culminate at Jr. High camp a few weeks ago (you can read about that here and how it affected me here).
I am sure there has been much written about spiritual journeys and the transformation process, but a summary that has helped me sort all this out is from George Barna’s recent book Maximum Faith. He summarizes it as 10 stops on the transformation journey:
Stop 1: Ignorance of and indifferent to sin
Stop 2: Aware of and indifferent to sin
Stop 3: Concerned about the implications of personal sin
Stop 4: Confess sins and ask Jesus Christ to be their savior
Stop 5: Commitment to faith activities (behavior modification)
Stop 6: Experience a prolonged period of spiritual discontent
Stop 7: Experiencing personal brokenness
Stop 8: Choosing to surrender and submit fully to God: radical dependence (Jesus becomes Lord)
Stop 9: Enjoy a profound intimacy with and love for God
Stop 10: Experience a profound compassion and love for humanity (see the world through God’s eyes)
*The parenthesis is my interpretation/summary/clarification of the stop
Where are you at on this transformation journey? Especially if you are a full time pastor, chances are you have not had to honestly answer that question in many years, maybe never. Many people never make it beyond stop 6, and during that time of spiritual discontent either leave the church completely (like after graduation) or settle back into stop 5 thinking that is all the church, and God, has to offer them. So where are you?
I can honestly tell you that God, over the past few years or so, has slung me from stop 5 to stop 9 in a whirlwind of experiences. As I reflect on all this, two key things keep popping up in my mind and heart.
I cannot lead someone where I have not been myself
Most churches (especially youth ministries) do a great job programming up to stop 5. Stop 6 through 10 become very personal and nearly impossible to program. The only way I can help anyone through those last five stops is by personal encouragement, prayer, and leading by example (sounds a lot like discipleship). If I have not gone through those stops myself, I cannot guide anyone else through them. It does not matter if that person is a teenager, my own sons, or my next door neighbor. If I have not navigated through those stops, no one I am leading will either.
I will not ask a student to do something I will not do myself
This has been one of my core values as a youth worker from day one. I tell my volunteer team this applies to everything from scrubbing a toilet on a retreat to reading my Bible daily and everything in between. We all follow what we see before what we hear, especially if you are under the age of 18. So what example are you setting? Not by what you say, teach, or preach; by what you do. Your own spiritual journey is the most important thing for you to focus on as a spiritual leader, yet the more we “do” the more we tend to neglect our own faith.
When is the last time you read the Bible just to read, not for a lesson or to prepare a message? When have you prayed for more than a few minutes and not done all the talking? When have you been in silence for more than the time it takes to go to the bathroom? When did you last fast?
1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV) 1Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
What example are you really setting?
Church FAMILY Camp
This weekend we had our church family camp. It is a Labor Day tradition at our church, and I look forward to it every year. I love to go hand out in the mountains, stay right on the lake, and have someone else cook for us all weekend. I love meeting new people in our church, deepening relationships with those I do know, and just hanging out and playing games with everyone.
For the most part, this is a weekend off as a youth worker. However, I realized this weekend how valuable it truly is for our youth ministry. Since it is family camp, the parents are responsible for their own teenager, not me or the other youth leaders that attend. There are three reasons why having no programs is a huge boost for our youth ministry.
1. It gives us a chance to hang out with students as friends.
Sure, we hang out with these same students basically every week. This year especially, we knew every teenager at camp fairly well. But things are different when it isn’t a formal program or a scheduled hang out time. They are different, and so am I. It is not on my shoulders that they have a good time, and they know I am not in charge, so we both can relax and have fun.
2. We see them interact with their families
These are church families we see on a regular basis, but we all know people put on a show when they are at church. It is impossible to keep up the fake show the entire weekend. As I observe how the students interact with their parents, what they do or don’t do to their siblings, what “drama” they participate in, and who they hang out with and what they decide to do really shows a lot about what Spiritual guidance they need.
3. We interact with parents a lot
I get to spend some time with youth group parents, and they spend time with me. We can get to know each other with no expectations. I see how they parent and interact with their teenagers. They see how I parent and how I interact with THEIR teenagers. These are all good things that help us truly be on the same team.
Church family camp is always a fun weekend, and a good time for our church as we jump into fall. It is also a great chance to sit back a bit as a youth worker and learn.
The People on my Bus
This week I attended a conference at Group Publishing headquarters, while there Mark Devries and Jeff Dunn-Rankin talked about their book The Indispensable Youth Pastor. They had a lot of good things to talk about, but there was one session that spoke to me the most.
Mark described the concept of your emotional bus. The people on your bus are all of the voices you have picked up along life’s journey that “speak” into your life. Some of them are positive, and some of them are negative. Some of them talk louder (and influence you more) than other voices. Whenever you face a stressful time, or an important decision, or even just walk through your every day routine these people are the inner dialogue that happens within yourself. The challenge he gave us was to name all of the people on our bus, because once you acknowledge their voice you can balance their influence. The names are not significant, the opinion or perspective that comes from them, which we try to live up to, is very significant. The only rule we were given is we couldn’t put Jesus on our bus, because we would all put him on our bus (since it was a room full of youth workers that definitely would have happened).
These are the people on my bus:
An Oompa Loompa
take my commands, get it done for them just because they asked so they are pleased with me being around
Doug Fields
I need to build and create, I have a lot of ideas trying to get out, I get bored maintaining
The rich young ruler (Luke 18)
I know I should leave stuff behind and care about God more, but I really don’t want to
Adam Sandler
forget about what anyone thinks or accomplishing anything significant and just have fun
The butler in Mr. Deeds
know it all, arrogant, sneaky, has everything figured out, and secretly wants to be in charge
Lewis or Clark
explorer, push forward, battle through the challenges, dredge through the unknown, might leave a few people behind – but it’s worth it if we reach our destination
My 2nd grade Teacher
She embarrassed me in front of the class which has made me scared to put myself out there, so when I do I tend to “over do it” with too many words or too much passion
With all of these voices going on inside my head sometimes I get pretty conflicted as I drive through life. Obviously a few of these personalities don’t agree with other people on the bus. But admitting who is on my bus will hopefully help me get a bit more sleep, because instead of ignoring them I can deal with them, maybe even just tell them to be quiet.
Who are the people on your bus? Do their “conversations” keep you up at night? Are you telling the right people to be quiet? Who do you need to ask to speak up? Who are you letting drive?
Perfect Youth Worker? I Think Not…
I hope you have had one of these weeks; a week with both an extreme failure and an extreme victory; then sprinkled with a little bit of everything in between. As I reflect back over this week I can’t help but ask myself why I am in the position I am in. What is my motivation, what is my goal, and how do I define for myself what success is. Am I working to be the ‘perfect youth worker’; or for something else?
The problem with the idea of ‘the perfect youth worker’ is this, there is no such thing! That’s the problem, it’s just an idea, and everyone has their own opinion of what the perfect youth worker is. Your senior pastor has their idea, each church lay leader has their idea, parents have another idea, each student could offer their opinion, and even the church janitor would give another view. As I think about all these different expectations and the effort and time it would take to even come close to meeting half of them, I am tempted to start writing my resignation letter instead of this article. And I haven’t even started to look at the expectations I have put on myself.
Wow, I am exhausted just writing about it, not to mention trying to live up to it. I realize though how easy it is to fall into this thinking. Just today in a matter of hours I went from dealing with parents crying because their student has entered quickly into the ‘I am 18 and ruining my life as fast as I can’ phase and asking me to fix it. To a few hours later sitting in Starbucks with a leadership student and helping them lead a friend to Christ they have been praying for for years. Youth ministry can be a crazy roller coaster ride of ups and downs. And if my goal is to hit my expectation, or someone else’s expectation of the perfect youth pastor, I want off of this ride sooner than later.
But, as I look at the greatest commandments and the great commission, I can see God’s expectation of what success is. Success for me is being faithful to the call God has placed on my life. I can not make every student in our youth group make the right decision every time, I can not make someone open their life to God, I can not do any of these things. I can not claim the failure as mine, and I can not claim the victory as mine either. Only God can give someone salvation, only the student can make the decision for their life. As a youth worker, my job is to be a faithful servant of God, follow His leading, and then let Him work.
2 Timothy 4:2 – 5 (NIV) 2Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. 3For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. 4They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. 5But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
No matter how much the expectations of me change; God’s word remains constant. As long as I stay faithful to God, His purposes, and His calling on my life, I know I can meet His expectation of faithful servant, which is much easier to accomplish than perfect youth pastor!
You Need Friends!
Every time I hear the phrase “Youth Ministry Veteran” I have to give a little chuckle. By most conventional definitions I qualify as a youth ministry veteran, which is exactly why it is funny to me. I don’t feel like I know youth ministry, or how to successfully do it well enough to bear the title veteran; perhaps to have that title you need to do more than just last more than 10 years. I do feel I have a few ideas on what has helped me be successful, I have just as many ideas on what has lead to my failures, but most of all I know I still have a lot to learn.
One of the biggest things that has kept me a youth worker for more than ten years, and continues to help me last today is my connections, relationships, and friendships with other youth workers. Honestly that is what I look forward to the most when I go to a conference; meeting more youth ministry friends.
In recent weeks, I have realized how many significant relationships with other youth workers I have been blessed with in my life. I have connected with several of them through chat on the computer, phone calls, personal meetings, coffee shop conversations, and social networking a lot lately. The amazing thing to me is realizing how much each of them has poured their own lives and ministries into me, and how much that has helped me. I hope they feel it has gone both ways.
Hebrews 12:1 (NLT) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
There are two things described in this verse that will destroy you as a youth worker:
Sin that trips you up
We all know of many wonderful Christian leaders that are on the “major moral failure” list. Hopefully I or you never get on that list. But the fact remains we are sinners, and we will be tempted, and we all desperately need good accountability in our lives. Long before anyone ends up on that list, smaller sins started to creep into their lives. Especially as a youth worker or pastor it can be hard to find a person that you can be completely open with, but who better than another youth worker? They understand the pressures you face, they understand your attitude toward “that” student or “that” parent, and they don’t know anyone that goes to your church!
Weight that slows you down
It could be a sinful attitude, it could be the busy summer calendar, it could be the stress of balancing church and family life. The possibilities are virtually endless of what might be weighing you down, but if you are lonely the weight will only get worse. A lot of youth workers are lonely. Obviously relationship is the key to combating loneliness. I mean true relationship, not 800 twitter followers, but face to face, life on life, real person relationship with someone that understands the life you lead as a youth worker. No one understands better than another youth worker.
One of the main reasons I am still “running the race” of youth ministry is because of the crowd of other youth workers I have had significant relationships with. No matter whether you are a “veteran” youth worker or just getting started, you need these types of relationships with other youth workers.
Do whatever you have to do to make them happen. Go to http://www.youthworkers.net and find a NNYM local network, attend one of the great youth conferences out there, reconnect with college friends, even call through your phone book to find other youth workers in your area. Do whatever it takes to make these relationships start, and then stick with them. It will take some work and lots of prayer, but it is most definitely worth it all!
Lead by Example…Really
There is a phrase I have used since day one as a full time youth worker.
“Never ask a student to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself.”
This is a concept that I have tried hard to live by. It is a concept I have tried hard to instill into my volunteer youth staff. It is a concept I hope the students at our church see modeled. During the process of becoming a youth staff member we discuss this concept. I have always said “this applies to everything we do, from doing daily devotions to scrubbing a toilet on a retreat to playing a gross nasty game, don’t ask them to do it if you wont do it.”
Over my many years of serving teenagers, there have been few times I have struggled to live up to this concept. But on our recent mission trip toPuerto Rico, it happened. Jobs were being delegated out at our dorm facility when the next job offered was guys toilet duty. I looked at the other two guys still left to get a job, and they looked at me. Before I really knew what was happening, I heard the words come out of my mouth; “I will do it.”
I grabbed the cleaning supplies offered, and the rubber gloves, and headed off to my doom. As I went from stall to stall, scrubbing away at all eight toilets and four urinals, I kept thinking over and over again in my mind “never ask a student to do something you aren’t willing to do yourself.” (I also repeated the name of the cleaner over and over again, “fabuloso”, just because it was fun to say.)
I see two major reasons why this concept needs to be forefront in the mind of every youth worker.
1. It is the Biblical standard of leadership
Jesus certainly led this way. He asked the disciples to feed the 5,000 before he did it himself. He sent them off to cast out demons and do miracles only after they watched Him do it. He asked Peter, James, and John to pray in the garden of Gethsemane while he himself prayed. The apostle Paul instructed the people of Corinth to “follow my example as I follow the example of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)
2. People (especially teenagers) can easily spot a fake
No one likes to be dictated to. Don’t delve out all the cleaning jobs then sit down and drink coffee. No one likes a hypocrite. If you expect students to turn off their cell phones during an event, you better not get a text message half way through your message. (that one was kind of a confession for me…) No one likes to be tortured. If you force a student to eat a live gold fish in the name of entertainment, keep room in your own belly for one. Almost everyone learns by example. If you teach a lesson on ACTS prayer, close that meeting by praying Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, and Supplication more sincerely than ever before.
As I reflect on this concept, I don’t remember who instilled it in me or who I stole it from. I do know that living out this concept has been one of the keys to my success. I had to live up to my own words a few weeks ago by cleaning toilets, and I am completely O.K. with it. Are you living up to your own words? I hope so.
