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Thoughts from the Past Thursday: What is Youth Ministry Really About?
As I was writing my last post, I remembered this one that I originally published on March 16th, 2012. If our ministry does not include teenagers then it isn’t youth ministry is it? Enjoy.
It has been over a week since I have returned home from the Simply Youth Ministry Conference. Over that that time I have been involved in many different things and been just as busy as ever before. During this busy time I have continued to think about the things I experienced, observed, and talked about while at the conference.
I realize now that God had already been trying to get my attention about a few foundational issues, and this was confirmed while on that trip. One of them is this:
What is youth ministry really about?
At first glance this should not be a hard question to answer; it is about connecting teenagers to God. However, I realized that many of the decisions, changes, and priorities that I deal with day to day don’t really reflect that answer. A very humbling thing to admit, but there are times when youth ministry is more about me and programs than it is about teenagers and God. If it really is about connecting them to God through relationship (and it is) then everything I do as a youth worker should be a means to that end.
While at the conference I was a room host, which means I was in the same breakout room the entire weekend and didn’t have the option of choosing what I heard or learned. Since there are so many options I saw this as an advantage, and God put me in exactly the right room to hear exactly what I needed to hear.
During one of the sessions Walt Mueller (click here to go to the CPYU website) asked this question:
“If the power grid suddenly went down at your church would your students still know how to worship?”
This hit really close to home since we had just bought new stage lights for our youth room. Ultimately this points back to the foundational question; is our youth ministry really helping students fall in love with God or are they falling in love with an experience? If the band didn’t play, if there was no big screen, if the stage lights didn’t produce a perfect hue of red will the teenagers in my church still be able to worship God? Are they connecting relationally to God and to other people through what we do?
I am not saying we need to completely unplug from technology, but I am saying we need to keep it all in the right perspective. Is that technology helping us toward the right end, because if it isn’t then we shouldn’t be using it. Technology and hype can NEVER replace relationship. The band could play the songs perfectly, the sound system can be perfect, the message be entertaining and engaging, and students can still leave that program saying “I need something deeper.”
Deeper does not mean more entertaining or more content, deeper means more personal. In a world full of social networking and screens of all sizes almost everything has become surface level when it comes to relational value. What ministry (youth or otherwise) is really about is relationship. True relationship with God, with other Christians, and sharing those relationships with the world.
I realized that what was missing from our youth ministry had nothing to do with programing, and therefore could not be fixed with programming ideas. It had everything to do with relationship value, and that is what I am trying to work on. What is your ministry really about?
Thoughts From The Past Thursday: Relationships Are Powerful
In case you didn’t notice, it is valentines day. Here is a post about relationship that isn’t focused on romance…thought you might need a break from all that. This post was originally posted on October 22nd, 2011.
This past week I had to learn a very valuable lesson…again. There is great power in a face to face conversation.
Last week I had face to face meetings with two guys I serve along side of in our youth ministry. Both of these guys are great youth workers and have been on our team for several years. And both of these guys have not been around much in recent weeks. After a bit of frustration with communication attempts being unanswered I decided I needed to sit down with them face to face and talk. No more emails, no more texts, no Facebook messages, just good old fashioned conversation.
In both situations, it was the best thing that could have happened. Through both meetings I learned a few very important lessons.
1. I put way too much trust in technology
During both conversations, we realized there has been communication that had not connected. Emails and texts that I had sent that for whatever reason had never been received. I was frustrated they never answered, they were frustrated I hadn’t communicated with them. In the age of mass texting, reply all emails, and many many more ways we have come up with to virtually communicate with people it is easy to think we are over communicating. Once I hit “send”, my assumption is communication has happened. Obviously that is not a valid assumption.
2. Relationship is more than words
Yes, a lot can be accomplished through email, texting, social networking, and the like. I feel like I have relationships with many youth workers all over the country that I have never met in person, but it will be completely different when I talk with them face to face at SYMC this year. The same words I exchanged with both of these guys this past week could have been typed and viewed on a screen, but they would have most likely made things worse than better. They needed to SEE that I cared about them by showing up, by the emotion in my voice, by my body language as they heard the words I said. I needed to SEE the same things from them as they talked. There is incredible power in relationship, especially when that relationship is not just on a screen or through someone else.
I have said many times that social networking is “fake fellowship”. Yes it can be good and can connect people that would otherwise not be connected, but I struggle to say it is real relationship. Whether you are leading a team of volunteers, or just interacting with friends and family, don’t trade face to face time for screen time. I have learned once again it is not the same. Who do you need to call or meet with?
Youth Ministry Conferences – To go or not to go
I have heard many youth workers share their opinions about youth ministry conferences and training. Some literally attend as many as they are physically and financially able to, while others think they are a complete waist of time and money.
I have been on both sides of this fence at different times during my youth ministry tenure. I have gone to multiple conferences in a single year, and also have not attended anything. When I first started in youth ministry I was a conference regular. Once I had been full time for about 6 years I stopped attending national scale stuff all together. Some of it was my own ego, some of it was because of my phase of life and raising little kids.
After taking some time off from conferences, I have attended a few in the not so distant past, and I am leaving for Youth Specialties NYWC in just a few days. Here are a few reasons why I have jumped back in and look forward to going.
1. To interact with the people behind twitter accounts, blogs, podcasts, and resources
In this age of social networking and online everything it is easy to forget there are real live people behind all of these things. I love meeting these people face to face and attaching some actual relationship to screen names, friend requests, and publications. It is so great to share with them how their efforts have helped me and my ministry.
2. To learn
I have heard many youth worker “veterans” share how they could teach every session they hear at a conference. Ok, I admit I have thought this too… But I realize that doesn’t mean I can’t learn something new or glean from their wisdom and experiences. Plus God has put them in that role and not me, so I trust they have something to say that I need to hear.
3. To be encouraged
It is very refreshing to hang out with a bunch of people that understand the world I live and serve in everyday. Hearing that people actually read some of what I write helps me to keep going. Finding out that my situation is not as bad as other people’s is encouraging (yes, I know that sounds bad but it’s true). A big part of conferences and training events is raw raw session, but I don’t think that is a bad thing.
4. To see friends
Because I was a conference regular in the past I built some friendships with people from around the country. These are people that I only see once or twice a year at most, but it is fun to run into them and catch up on how their lives and ministries are going. I also look forward to making new friends. It is possible to attend a HUGE conference and remain just a face in the crowd, I choose to not do that.
5. To have fun
Being in charge all the time is not fun. At an event or training I can just attend and not be responsible for anything other than my own experience. It is a chance to sit back and let someone else worry about the details and putting out fires, so I can enjoy my time and absorb.
I would be curious to hear why you attend or don’t attend conferences and training events, so please comment and let me know your point of view. What side of the fence are you on and why?
Relational or Program Driven?
The other day I had a conversation with an old friend and a great youth worker. As we talked and caught each other up on everything that is going on in our lives of course our conversation turned to youth ministry. We talked about what was going well and what wasn’t. The changes we have both contemplated and especially the ones we actually have done since we parted ministry ways a year and a half ago.
At the center of this conversation, and many others I have had recently was the concept of relational ministry vs. program ministry. This has been a hot button within ministry circles for a long time, and one that does not come with easy answers. It is very easy to jump onto the “it is all about relationships” bandwagon, while we typically spend the majority of our time preparing and running programs. Most of our world is built on policies, regulations, deadlines and set goals yet we all spend a lot of time attempting to find ways around them through personal connections or crafty behavior. “Can’t you make an exception for a friend?” “I know the speed limit is 35, but I am late and my kid is sick and my dog might be eating my favorite pair of shoes right now, I need to get home!” “I am not cheating, I am bending the rules to gain a slight advantage.”
I am not going to pretend to have a good answer for this ongoing struggle, but here are a few thoughts I have observed in myself and in others lately:
1. Know which one is easier for you
The more God molds me and reveals how He has gifted me, the more I realize that I default toward program ministry. I do value relationships, but if things aren’t going well I turn to program changes or policies to try and fix it. When the problem is relational a program change won’t help.
Perhaps you default toward relational ministry; which means when things don’t go well your gut reaction is to do more relational stuff. However if the problem is program oriented more hang out time won’t help.
Everyone has one that is easier than the other, do you know which one that is for you?
2. Extremes are not helpful
If you focus too much on programs and policies the relational tone will fade. If you focus too much on relationships you might never plan out anything and appear to be unorganized or have no direction. Anytime something is carried out to an extreme it is not healthy.
Once you realize something is not healthy you must be careful to not over-correct. My friend defaults to relational fun, and knowing that he found himself overcompensating toward structure and content. For me I turned to structure and content because it is my default. Whether it is your comfort zone or the opposite you definitely can find yourself in an unhealthy extreme.
3. We need both in the church
The old cliché is true: “they don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” This obviously pushes us more toward relationship. Yet the fact remains that they still need to learn what you know. How will someone know that you care for them? Primarily through relationship. How will someone learn what you have to teach them? Primarily through a program. We need both. The challenge is to balance the two, and do it well.
While at The Simply Youth Ministry Conference I saw that Group does a really good job of making a corporate business environment relational. Not all companies (which are primarily policy/program driven) do a good job of this. Everyone knows the business motivation for putting on a conference like SYMC, and Group and other venders certainly make money from the conference. But the overall feel of the SYMC experience is relational; what an amazing accomplishment.
Finding the right balance between program and relational is not an easy thing, but if you can accept the fact that we need both and know which one you default to I think we can move forward and become better leaders.
I Need to Protect Myself from Myself
This post was originally publish as a guest post for Engaging the Shadows of Youth Ministry. Thanks Matt Murphy for the opportunity!
This article has been looming within my heart for weeks now. What I am about to share with you stems from truthfully months of conversations, prayers, frustrations, victories, hard questions, hard answers, and God’s grace. My trip to SYMC has become the capstone to a lot of these feelings; let me explain…
For reasons that I don’t fully understand, God has put the desire within my heart and the calling on my life to write. This truly does not make much sense to me since English was my worst subject in school and I was completely content being an average youth worker that no one knew or cared about outside of the local church I work at and my own family.
This writing journey started for me about 3 years ago after a long argument with God about why I didn’t want to write; I liked what I was doing in the local church and I wanted nothing, especially my ego, to get in the way of that. I know myself pretty well, and I knew that even mild success could cause me to focus on the wrong things. So if I didn’t ever write then that could never happen.
Here I am three years later with a book that will be out in a month or so, a second book in the edit process, a third book idea in its infant stage, and a blog. Upon giving in to God and me starting to write I told God that this had nothing to do with me wanting to be “Christian famous” or making extra money. It had everything to do with me fulfilling everything He wanted me to do with my life.
James 4:17 (NIV) Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.
That commitment has been tested more than once over these past 3 years, and I can tell you that I have not always passed that test. In the weeks leading up to my trip to SYMC God used several key people in my life to show me that I once again, had failed at keeping everything in proper perspective. As I entered into an environment where self-promotion and narcissism run rampant I had only one question on my heart and mind.
Is it even possible to do both and do them well? Can I work in a local church and write/speak on the national scale and not be negatively affected by it all?
As I stepped off the plane in Louisville, after several hours alone with God and my thoughts, that was what I needed God to answer. I was fully prepared (and kind of expected) for God to release me from the national scene and let me go back to Boise, focus on my family and my church, and never write again. You already know (since you are reading this) that is not exactly the answer I received. Through many conversations, classes, speakers, and observations this is what God showed me.
My voice is important
One of the things I had committed to before I went was to not push my blog or writing on anyone. As I purposefully did not bring it up in any conversations I was surprised at how many people asked me about it, and how many of those people told me how much they appreciated what I had to say. I saw that God was using my writing in ways I had no idea about.
My identity and worth belongs only in God
Walt Mueller mentioned a few different times about his findings from his research on social media and how it effects people. I already knew that I had been effected by it, and he just confirmed that it was not in a healthy way. I had said to people many times that social networking is “fake fellowship”, but I had not realized how much I had connected my own identity to online interactions. My self-worth was never supposed to be attached to my blog stats, number of twitter followers, or Facebook interactions but somehow that had become more important to me than the real live people in front of me. In the past two weeks I have not looked at my blog stats at all, limited my time online, and leave my phone on the counter when I get home. It has been very freeing but hard at the same time.
I had put my faith in the wrong places
My intention from the very beginning was to write for God and let him do with it what he wanted. I realized that by me pursuing agents, publishers, and other outlets for my writing I was doing it more for myself than for God. The more I participated in and got beat up by the publishing industry the more it messed with me. I had several conversations with people that had already been published and I realized that my issues might only be magnified if I, like them, did get traditionally published. Since my writing is not helping anyone sitting on my hard drive I am now going to self-publish my books so it is available and let God take care of the marketing and distribution. If my family and friends are the only people that buy my books it does not matter. They are God’s books and He can do whatever he wants with them, and since I will not be tied to a specific publisher or brand I will only answer to God.
God led me to James 3:13-4:17 that day on the airplane which started me down the road of seeing these three very important things.
James 4:1 (NIV) What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
That day I wrote in my journal “the desires that battle within me are to be known and loved in the national spotlight vs. being a local youth pastor, husband, and Dad that doesn’t care about all that. I don’t know if I am capable of doing both Lord. That is the truth, and I don’t want to deny it any longer.”
God showed me that I can’t do both if I do it my way. But if I do fulfill what God has asked me to do, and only that, it is possible. What battles are going on inside of you? What truth do you need to admit to God and to yourself?
James 4:10 (NIV) Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up
What is Youth Ministry Really About?
It has been over a week since I have returned home from the Simply Youth Ministry Conference. Over that that time I have been involved in many different things and been just as busy as ever before. During this busy time I have continued to think about the things I experienced, observed, and talked about while at the conference.
I realize now that God had already been trying to get my attention about a few foundational issues, and this was confirmed while on that trip. One of them is this:
What is youth ministry really about?
At first glance this should not be a hard question to answer; it is about connecting teenagers to God. However, I realized that many of the decisions, changes, and priorities that I deal with day to day don’t really reflect that answer. A very humbling thing to admit, but there are times when youth ministry is more about me and programs than it is about teenagers and God. If it really is about connecting them to God through relationship (and it is) then everything I do as a youth worker should be a means to that end.
While at the conference I was a room host, which means I was in the same breakout room the entire weekend and didn’t have the option of choosing what I heard or learned. Since there are so many options I saw this as an advantage, and God put me in exactly the right room to hear exactly what I needed to hear.
During one of the sessions Walt Mueller (click here to go to the CPYU website) asked this question:
“If the power grid suddenly went down at your church would your students still know how to worship?”
This hit really close to home since we had just bought new stage lights for our youth room. Ultimately this points back to the foundational question; is our youth ministry really helping students fall in love with God or are they falling in love with an experience? If the band didn’t play, if there was no big screen, if the stage lights didn’t produce a perfect hue of red will the teenagers in my church still be able to worship God? Are they connecting relationally to God and to other people through what we do?
I am not saying we need to completely unplug from technology, but I am saying we need to keep it all in the right perspective. Is that technology helping us toward the right end, because if it isn’t then we shouldn’t be using it. Technology and hype can NEVER replace relationship. The band could play the songs perfectly, the sound system can be perfect, the message be entertaining and engaging, and students can still leave that program saying “I need something deeper.”
Deeper does not mean more entertaining or more content, deeper means more personal. In a world full of social networking and screens of all sizes almost everything has become surface level when it comes to relational value. What ministry (youth or otherwise) is really about is relationship. True relationship with God, with other Christians, and sharing those relationships with the world.
I realized that what was missing from our youth ministry had nothing to do with programing, and therefore could not be fixed with programming ideas. It had everything to do with relationship value, and that is what I am trying to work on. What is your ministry really about?
I Am Excited for SYMC!!
I am leaving town for the Simply Youth Ministry Conference in just a few days. I am in that mode right now where I am excited for the trip, but need to be focused on everything I must get done before I leave.
By taking a few minutes and writing down why I am looking forward to it so much I hope it will enable me to focus on everything else…we will see. Top 3 reasons I can’t wait for SYMC.
1. I get to spend several days in community with like minded people
Youth ministry is something that is not easily understood unless you are in it. For these few days most everyone I will interact with will understand the world I live in. I get to see some old friends. I get to meet several people face-to-face that I only know through a screen (from blogging and social network sites). And I will meet a ton of new people, all of which love youth ministry and are involved with it in some way.
2. I will get pored into emotionally, professionally, and Spiritually
Yesterday one of the guys in my small group asked what I do at a conference. I told him I go to classes, hear some speakers, and enjoy some great music. The look on his face said “why would you want to go do that, we do that here.” I then said “it is like going to church for me, because when you work at a church you don’t get to just go very often.” He understood that reasoning.
3. I will get to serve and give back.
I am volunteering at the conference to help with some of the behind the scenes stuff. My name is not on any flyer, I am not formally teaching anything, and no one will notice when I enter a room. But I know that over my last decade of being pored into and ministered to at conferences there were a ton of people helping to make that possible for me. I also have had several casual conversations with people wiser and more experienced than me that has helped me more than any of them realized. I am excited and honored to be able to return the favor this next week.
So there are a few reasons why I can’t wait to go to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference, are you going to be there? If so please make sure I get to meet you. Why are you excited?
If you are not yet registered click here and get registered!
Ok…now back to my to do list.
Thankful for Down Time 2
The other day I wrote about the signs I see in my life when I am spiritually and/or emotionally empty. Today I want to share a much better list; the things that fill me back up.
1. Solitude
The reason why this is number one is because it is the one that fills me up the most. This is something that is not easily attained in our society and in my current phase of life, at least not for more than a few minutes in a row. There is always some interruption or pressing need that hinders any solitude. When I can get it, this time is usually filled with meditating on scripture, prayer, and journaling. I do a regular “quiet time” most days, which does include all three of these, but it is normally only a ten minute part of my morning routine and does not qualify as solitude. It does help me to “top off” my emotional and spiritual tank, but when I am on empty I need a few hours, not a few minutes.
2. Read
I am not, and have never been a “reader”. Reading is not enjoyable for me, the phrase “pleasure reading” is an oxymoron in my book. However, I do love to learn. I quickly realized while in college, if I am going to learn I need to read. I like reading blogs because I can read and learn in quick and small doses, and if I want I can react or comment to the author instantly (which is sometimes a good or a bad thing). Since I don’t read books on a regular basis, when I do it is very refreshing.
3. Recreation
I think this is somewhat of a guy thing, but I love to play. This is one of the reasons I love living in Idaho because the outdoor recreation is close and abundant. I am definitely one of the people that come home from an ideal vacation more physically exhausted than when I left. Staying in a hotel is not my idea of relaxing. I would rather sleep on our boat so I can literally step out of my sleeping bag and directly into my wakeboard.
4. Write
This is something I have just started doing in the past few years. As God has continued to mold me and use me in different ways I felt like writing was something He wanted me to do. I can say the publishing side of writing is NOT refreshing or fulfilling for me, in fact it has proven so far to be quite frustrating. But the actual process of writing does indeed fill me up, whether anyone actually reads what I write or not.
5. Spend time in community
One of the most refreshing things I can do as a youth worker is hang out with other youth workers. Whether it is a local NNYM meeting, a national conference like SYMC or NYWC, or online through social media I love connecting with other youth workers.
One of the most refreshing things I can do for myself is to hang with my wife, my kids, my extended family, family friends, or even a good conversation with the random person that gets stuck next to me on an airplane. No agenda, nothing to accomplish or create, but just time together.
As I look over this list, I realize that every single one of them have to be done intentionally. If I don’t purposefully schedule it, set it as a goal, or focus on it none of these five things would ever happen. My daily life always has other things that are more pressing or more urgent, and if I let it happen these things will get pushed to the bottom of my priority list.
The other thing I notice is how they directly counteract the things on my empty list. It is almost like God knew what he was doing when he made me….huh, how about that! This week while I am away, I am purposefully pursuing all five of these things.
I challenge you to take a few moments in the next few days, and write out your empty list and full list. Obviously yours will probably be different than mine, but I am sure it will be just as valuable for you as it has been for me.
Relationships Are Powerful
This past week I had to learn a very valuable lesson…again. There is great power in a face to face conversation.
Last week I had face to face meetings with two guys I serve along side of in our youth ministry. Both of these guys are great youth workers and have been on our team for several years. And both of these guys have not been around much in recent weeks. After a bit of frustration with communication attempts being unanswered I decided I needed to sit down with them face to face and talk. No more emails, no more texts, no Facebook messages, just good old fashioned conversation.
In both situations, it was the best thing that could have happened. Through both meetings I learned a few very important lessons.
1. I put way too much trust in technology
During both conversations, we realized there has been communication that had not connected. Emails and texts that I had sent that for whatever reason had never been received. I was frustrated they never answered, they were frustrated I hadn’t communicated with them. In the age of mass texting, reply all emails, and many many more ways we have come up with to virtually communicate with people it is easy to think we are over communicating. Once I hit “send”, my assumption is communication has happened. Obviously that is not a valid assumption.
2. Relationship is more than words
Yes, a lot can be accomplished through email, texting, social networking, and the like. I feel like I have relationships with many youth workers all over the country that I have never met in person, but it will be completely different when I talk with them face to face at SYMC this year. The same words I exchanged with both of these guys this past week could have been typed and viewed on a screen, but they would have most likely made things worse than better. They needed to SEE that I cared about them by showing up, by the emotion in my voice, by my body language as they heard the words I said. I needed to SEE the same things from them as they talked. There is incredible power in relationship, especially when that relationship is not just on a screen or through someone else.
I have said many times that social networking is “fake fellowship”. Yes it can be good and can connect people that would otherwise not be connected, but I struggle to say it is real relationship. Whether you are leading a team of volunteers, or just interacting with friends and family, don’t trade face to face time for screen time. I have learned once again it is not the same. Who do you need to call or meet with?
