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Thoughts From the Past Thursday: 5 Tips for Graduation Season
Graduation season is here (or just around the corner), so I thought I would pass on these tips to successfully navigate these bitter sweet waters. This was originally posted on May 19th, 2011
It is that time of the year again; graduation season. As a youth worker, you get tons of invites during this season, and at least for me, it is one of my busiest times of the year. All the school year programs are winding down, I am deep in summer planning and trip details, and it is when we do our once a year evaluations and youth staff retreat. And on top of all of that are all of the graduation festivities. Over the years I have come up with some ways to lighten the load during graduation season, here are a few tips:
1. Arrive 45 minutes to an hour late. If you have heard one graduation speech, you have heard them all. And no one is going to quiz you on what the speaker said. If you don’t believe me, try and remember anything that the key note speaker said at your own high school graduation. Exactly…the students don’t care about the speeches, and you don’t need to either (unless a student you know is giving a speech). If you get there in time to watch them walk across the stage and greet them afterward, you are covered.
2. The smaller the school, the longer the ceremony. Small school graduations are almost as bad as 7th grade girls basketball! Since there are fewer people, there is a TON more stories, inside jokes, slide shows, and speeches. And, #1 does not apply, because the students do care about the actual ceremony, and they will notice if you are not there the whole time. So you have to just endure it, but block out at least 3 hours.
3. Family parties are way more important than the formal ceremonies. Sooner or later you will come to a place when you can’t make it to all the graduation festivities; so when you have to choose, choose the family party first. If you are invited to the family party, it means there is a real relationship there and they were not just fishing for a graduation present. So do everything in your power to make the BBQ.
4. Divide and conquer. We hit this wall a few years ago, we had so many invites it was physically impossible to attend them all. That year my wife and I both attended 4 graduations each, and never together! So, divide your volunteer staff up among parties and ceremonies, and send your regards with them. Chances are a lot of students know the volunteer leader better than they know me anyway, so strategically divide up and cover them all.
5. Picture slide shows are not worth it. We broke this tradition a few years ago, and caught some grief for sure. Yet, the only two people that truly care about seeing the baby picture morph into the senior picture is Mom and Dad, not your entire congregation. And despite your best effort, you will always leave someone out, or the picture won’t scan right, or they will send it to the wrong email, or… you get the idea. It is a ton of work, the graduates themselves are typically embarrassed, and most people just endure it. Definitely acknowledge them in church, just leave out the slide show.
There are my top 5 tips for the graduation season. What is your tip?
How Did It Get This Bad?
Image courtesy of “twobee” / FreeDigitalPhotos.net
My day has taken a drastic turn from where I thought it would go. I am at home taking care of one of my boys after having his tonsils out, and I had grand ideas of everything I could get caught up on with this extra time at home. Instead I just got done cleaning our car, something that was not on my list until this morning.
My wife left with our other kids and a few minutes later walked back in the house declaring that a large cup of breakfast smoothie just spilled all over her and all over the car. As she was changing clothes I went out to wipe up the car. As she came back out to leave I shot a look at her, and her response “we need to just take the other car huh?” I agreed, they left, and I fully accepted that my plans for the day had just changed.
This was not a simple wipe up kind of spill, it was on the two front seats, the floor, the dash, and even ran down between the seats and made its way all the way to the floor in the back seat. This was a complete car detail kind of situation. Upon getting started I quickly realized the fresh smoothie was not the only problem in our car. Truthfully our car has not been cleaned for a long time and we have 3 kids; it was gross. During the few hours working on this mess the same thought kept going through my mind – how did it get this bad? The simple answer is:
I let it get that bad.
I could rattle off a ton of reasons about being busy or blame it on someone else or point out the freezing weather or a number of other excuses but it would not change the truth. The truth is I have just ignored it. I knew it was dirty, but other things have seemed more important or more fun so I did nothing about it. At least until this catastrophic smoothie incident changed my priority list. Only when ignoring it was no longer an option was I able to take an honest look at the lack of cleanliness in our car.
I realize this is a concept that applies to much more than automobile care. Many times in our lives something needs attention but it is ignored until it becomes urgent. Until it gets so bad we no longer have a choice but to deal with it.
Relational issues. Physical issues. Spiritual issues. Ministry issues. We are all pretty good at ignoring important stuff until it becomes urgent damage control. Issues that could have been small turn into big things. Conversations that could have been slightly awkward become confrontational. Annoyances turn into deal breakers.
After being reminded of this today I am thinking through my life and ministry to identify what I have been ignoring that I need to deal with. Seeking God on exactly what to do and how to do it, and planning to take care of it.
What have you been ignoring that you need to deal with? What conversation have you been avoiding that you need to have? What change do you need to make but are giving excuses for? I encourage you to take action now and not let it get that bad.
Do You Have An Extra Minute?
About six months ago my family and I moved into a new house. Just like any upgrade, it takes some time to adjust and grow into the change. As we were planning out what would go where in our new house, we quickly realized that we had no furniture to go into the front living room.
As we moved it was where things were stacked that needed a temporary spot, but once we were mostly settled it was completely empty. It did provide a spot for the Christmas tree, it was the regular wrestle and roll around room for our boys, and several other temporary uses, but for the first several months it stayed relatively empty and unused.
By the end of this month, that room will be completely filled with furniture, almost to over flowing status.
I look at the progression of our “extra room” and see some major parallels to how I live my life and manage my time.
1. Having extra room was strange
The house we moved from was filled to brim; one of the main reasons we moved. Our expectation was to get more room, but once it was there it felt odd. It kind of felt wasteful. We often feel like we need more time, extra margin in our schedules, but once we fight for it and reach that goal it feels strange. Even thoughts of guilt for being lazy might set in.
2. There was pressure to fill it with something
We were so used to having every corner filled there was this unwritten pressure to fill it, and do it quickly. Our society has made busyness equal importance, and so when we have un-planned time we often go looking for something to fill it with, and quickly. Soon we are back to being over-scheduled and busier than ever before.
Ephesians 5:15-17 (NLT) 15 So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.16 Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days.17 Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.
How much of your time do you fill thoughtlessly because you feel pressure to always have something scheduled? I realize for me I do it a lot. I need to be more wise about what I plan and why.
3. It seemed much bigger when it was empty
The room seemed absolutely huge when it was empty. Now that there is furniture in it, the size has shrunk by several feet, I am sure of it. My life seems to go a lot slower when it is not scheduled every second of every day. After constantly running at such a fast pace, once we go on vacation or have a free afternoon, we realize how long two hours can really be.
Exodus 20:8-9 (NIV) 8 “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy.9 Six days you shall labor and do all your work,10 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God.
God did not design us to be going full speed ahead all the time. Especially as a full time pastor, Sunday is not a “Sabbath day” at all. It is one of my busiest work days, which is exactly why I have a day off during the week. And yet I often fill it with everything but rest and time with God.
Do you have any “empty rooms” in your life? Are you putting pressure on yourself to fill them? Maybe you should stop and think about it for a minute…
The To-Do List Curse
Last week a year of planning all culminated into one day. I was a part of planning a one day youth worker training for a denominational conference. Doug Fields came and taught for the day and it all went off very smoothly. I had a great time connecting with Doug and with all the other great youth workers that attended.
One of the topics Doug spoke to was leadership of yourself. His opening statement is still resonating within my heart; he said:
Public people tend to ignore the private side of their lives…until it is too late.
We discussed many different clues/ warning signs that your life might be out of balance. I feel like my life and ministry are in a pretty good balance, but one of them I see myself doing on a regular basis. Spending excess time on easy or unproductive tasks.
When I get stressed or pressured with a seemingly endless task list I do exactly that, I do the “easy” things first. I choose the things that only take a few minutes like checking email or making a quick phone call. I go for crossing the most off in the smallest amount of time instead of focusing on what is most important. I also tend to rush through these tasks just so I can cross them off, and end up making mistakes or not doing it completely. I also turn to easy and fun things that aren’t even on my task list like posting on twitter or reading blogs, and once I get sucked into these things an hour or more just disappears. When I let myself fall into this trap, I end up doing the “important” stuff during what should be my family time.
Message prep is important, I know it is. But it also takes a large chunk of uninterrupted time to do it well. Investing into a volunteer or a student with a deep unrushed conversation is hugely important, but it is just that—an investment. It takes planning and commitment, which means it sometimes gets pushed down the list. My personal prayer and Bible study time is essential to proper balance, yet it often times gets rushed through or completely ignored because of the looming task list.
The task list is not the enemy, but I am realizing that I put things on that list that don’t belong there. The most important things, the things that should not be rushed through and checked off need to be on my calendar, not my task list. After speaking nearly every week for 10 years I know how long it takes me to adequately prepare a message, so I need to just make it an appointment on my calendar. A meaningful conversation with a volunteer or student always takes an hour or longer. I know how much time my family deserves. These are all things that should be on my calendar.
If I put things on my calendar as appointments it helps me make the mental shift from just getting something done to purposefully investing into it. What is on your task list that should be on your calendar? What should be on your calendar that isn’t (like personal study, prayer, or family time)? What sucks hours from your day that isn’t on either one?
What Identity are You Fulfilling?
Perhaps you have noticed, I have not posted for a week. Since returning home from SYMC my life has been crazy. I have been fulfilling a lot of different identities and “blogger” has not been one of them. I have been living out part of my book (The Youth Ministry Paradigm) the past several days. Since it is going to be out in a month or two, I want to give you a preview. This excerpt is from chapter 4:
We all fill a number of different identities in our day-to-day life. No matter what profession or stage of life you are in, we all wear different “hats”: sometimes it’s the friend hat, sometimes it’s the football fanatic hat, other times it’s the crazed driver hat. The paradigm asks that the only hat we wear is the youth worker hat and everything else we do must fit under it, if there is room.
If God is not asking you to change who you are in order to fulfill the ministry He wants you to do, what is His direction? We all know it is impossible to truly fulfill every identity that presents itself in our daily life. God does not expect you to be able to fulfill every identity that is presented to you. He does expect you to fulfill every identity you say yes to. Therefore, we as youth workers have to learn that “no” is not a bad word.
Obviously there are some identities we should not say no to, like Christian, family member, and me. Yet sometimes these are the only ones we say no to. But these are not the identities that typically dominate our ministry life. The ones that do dominate our lives are the ones we might need to say no to, like website designer, office manager, janitor, addiction specialist, professional counselor, stand-up comedian, etc, etc. Where most youth workers mess up is that they don’t put all these identities into a healthy priority list. Most people don’t even have a list, much less actually prioritize it.
In first Timothy chapter three, Paul describes what the life of a leader in the church should be like. He basically makes a list of identities we need to fulfill. As you read through this passage, notice the identities Paul describes.
1 Timothy 3:1 – 13 (NLT) 1It is a true saying that if someone wants to be an elder, he desires an honorable responsibility. 2For an elder must be a man whose life cannot be spoken against. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exhibit self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home and must be able to teach. 3He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, peace loving, and not one who loves money. 4He must manage his own family well, with children who respect and obey him. 5For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church? 6An elder must not be a new Christian, because he might be proud of being chosen so soon, and the Devil will use that pride to make him fall. 7Also, people outside the church must speak well of him so that he will not fall into the Devil’s trap and be disgraced. 8In the same way, deacons must be people who are respected and have integrity. They must not be heavy drinkers and must not be greedy for money. 9They must be committed to the revealed truths of the Christian faith and must live with a clear conscience. 10Before they are appointed as deacons, they should be given other responsibilities in the church as a test of their character and ability. If they do well, then they may serve as deacons. 11In the same way, their wives must be respected and must not speak evil of others. They must exercise self-control and be faithful in everything they do. 12A deacon must be faithful to his wife, and he must manage his children and household well. 13Those who do well as deacons will be rewarded with respect from others and will have increased confidence in their faith in Christ Jesus.
What identities are in there? What identities did you expect would be in there, but aren’t? Notice that Paul concludes that living life the way you should, will ultimately increase your faith. Is your current list of identities in an order that is increasing your faith? If not, change is needed.
When was the last time you were really alone? Remember what happened in Jacob’s life right before God showed up to institute change in him? He ended up completely alone. My guess is that you cannot remember the last time you were truly alone for more than a few minutes; and no, the bathroom stall does not count. The first step in allowing God to work in a new way is to get alone, have God show up, and wrestle some things out with Him if need be.
While you are alone, make a list of all the identities you fulfill in your life. Think through your daily and weekly routines and write down every identity where you spend any amount of time. Once you have your list, prioritize it according to your real life. Then compare your list to the Biblical priority list. As you compare these two lists, remember the question I already raised: are you an example worthy of following by the students you minister to? A hard question to admit the truth about I know, but if you continue to ignore it, God cannot work in a new way.
As I said, I am living this out…again…right now. I hope it can help you as it has helped me.
Where Has the Time Gone?
I have realized something about myself lately; I do not have a realistic time to task expectation. When I think about a task or a conversation or an errand to run, or whatever the time I assume it will take to accomplish it is drastically too short. This is something my wife has known for years, but I have recently realized how much it actually effects my life
1. It makes me late
I have heard people say before that if you truly care about something you won’t be late for it. I agree with this, but if I am late it is not because I don’t care, it is because I had to get something else finished before I could show up.
2. It enables me to procrastinate
I am a natural procrastinator, but this definitely makes it worse. Because I do not think it will take me very long to accomplish it, I can put it off even longer than my natural procrastinator attitude would normally allow.
3. It frustrates other people
If you ever work with me, you need to know that I will do what I say I will do. If you expect it to be done early or for me to be fully prepared before I have to be you will be disappointed. I am pretty good at “big picture” planning, but when it comes to the details, I stink.
4. It raises my stress level
I, like most procrastinators, do work well under pressure. But the more things that stack onto my task list, the more my frustration level goes up. With my boys, the slow drivers that always end up in front of me, or my computer; it doesn’t really matter because it WILL frustrate me.
5. It makes me focus on failure
Since I expect to accomplish a huge list of things every day, I often times go home feeling like I didn’t get anything done. I constantly think about everything I didn’t get to, instead of focusing on my family, or the students around me, or any victories God did that day.
I hope the first step to improving as a person is admitting some of your faults. I admit this is one of mine. Since I have admitted this to myself, I have been trying to change my expectations on what I can accomplish in a day. And I have felt better as I drive home. What other ideas do you have for me to try? What is helpful for you?
5 Tips for Graduation Season
This is an article I wrote a few years ago and thought it might be helpful again.
It is that time of the year again; graduation season. As a youth worker, you get tons of invites during this season, and at least for me, it is one of my busiest times of the year. All the school year programs are winding down, I am deep in summer planning and trip details, and it is when we do our once a year evaluations and youth staff retreat. And on top of all of that are all of the graduation festivities. Over the years I have come up with some ways to lighten the load during graduation season, here are a few tips:
1. Arrive 45 minutes to an hour late. If you have heard one graduation speech, you have heard them all. And no one is going to quiz you on what the speaker said. If you don’t believe me, try and remember anything that the key note speaker said at your own high school graduation. Exactly…the students don’t care about the speeches, and you don’t need to either (unless a student you know is giving a speech). If you get there in time to watch them walk across the stage and greet them afterward, you are covered.
2. The smaller the school, the longer the ceremony. Small school graduations are almost as bad as 7th grade girls basketball! Since there are fewer people, there is a TON more stories, inside jokes, slide shows, and speeches. And, #1 does not apply, because the students do care about the actual ceremony, and they will notice if you are not there the whole time. So you have to just endure it, but block out at least 3 hours.
3. Family parties are way more important than the formal ceremonies. Sooner or later you will come to a place when you can’t make it to all the graduation festivities; so when you have to choose, choose the family party first. If you are invited to the family party, it means there is a real relationship there and they were not just fishing for a graduation present. So do everything in your power to make the BBQ.
4. Divide and conquer. We hit this wall a few years ago, we had so many invites it was physically impossible to attend them all. That year my wife and I both attended 4 graduations each, and never together! So, divide your volunteer staff up among parties and ceremonies, and send your regards with them. Chances are a lot of students know the volunteer leader better than they know me anyway, so strategically divide up and cover them all.
5. Picture slide shows are not worth it. We broke this tradition a few years ago, and caught some grief for sure. Yet, the only two people that truly care about seeing the baby picture morph into the senior picture is Mom and Dad, not your entire congregation. And despite your best effort, you will always leave someone out, or the picture won’t scan right, or they will send it to the wrong email, or… you get the idea. It is a ton of work, the graduates themselves are typically embarrassed, and most people just endure it. Definitely acknowledge them in church, just leave out the slide show.
There are my top 5 tips for the graduation season. What is your tip?
