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Thoughts From the Past Thursday: 5 Tips for Graduation Season
Graduation season is here (or just around the corner), so I thought I would pass on these tips to successfully navigate these bitter sweet waters. This was originally posted on May 19th, 2011
It is that time of the year again; graduation season. As a youth worker, you get tons of invites during this season, and at least for me, it is one of my busiest times of the year. All the school year programs are winding down, I am deep in summer planning and trip details, and it is when we do our once a year evaluations and youth staff retreat. And on top of all of that are all of the graduation festivities. Over the years I have come up with some ways to lighten the load during graduation season, here are a few tips:
1. Arrive 45 minutes to an hour late. If you have heard one graduation speech, you have heard them all. And no one is going to quiz you on what the speaker said. If you don’t believe me, try and remember anything that the key note speaker said at your own high school graduation. Exactly…the students don’t care about the speeches, and you don’t need to either (unless a student you know is giving a speech). If you get there in time to watch them walk across the stage and greet them afterward, you are covered.
2. The smaller the school, the longer the ceremony. Small school graduations are almost as bad as 7th grade girls basketball! Since there are fewer people, there is a TON more stories, inside jokes, slide shows, and speeches. And, #1 does not apply, because the students do care about the actual ceremony, and they will notice if you are not there the whole time. So you have to just endure it, but block out at least 3 hours.
3. Family parties are way more important than the formal ceremonies. Sooner or later you will come to a place when you can’t make it to all the graduation festivities; so when you have to choose, choose the family party first. If you are invited to the family party, it means there is a real relationship there and they were not just fishing for a graduation present. So do everything in your power to make the BBQ.
4. Divide and conquer. We hit this wall a few years ago, we had so many invites it was physically impossible to attend them all. That year my wife and I both attended 4 graduations each, and never together! So, divide your volunteer staff up among parties and ceremonies, and send your regards with them. Chances are a lot of students know the volunteer leader better than they know me anyway, so strategically divide up and cover them all.
5. Picture slide shows are not worth it. We broke this tradition a few years ago, and caught some grief for sure. Yet, the only two people that truly care about seeing the baby picture morph into the senior picture is Mom and Dad, not your entire congregation. And despite your best effort, you will always leave someone out, or the picture won’t scan right, or they will send it to the wrong email, or… you get the idea. It is a ton of work, the graduates themselves are typically embarrassed, and most people just endure it. Definitely acknowledge them in church, just leave out the slide show.
There are my top 5 tips for the graduation season. What is your tip?
Thoughts From the Past Thursday: Prepare for the Inevitable
As another graduation season approaches, I am once again reminded of this sobering youth ministry fact. This was originally posted on June 14th, 2011.
There is something about teenagers that every youth worker needs to realize. This is going to happen to 100% of the students in every ministry. It is never a major surprise when it happens but often times it is tragic.
They get to old to attend youth programs.
The typical youth ministry does a pretty bad job of preparing teenagers for this, which is one of the major contributing factors to one of the most embarrassing statistics attached to youth ministry; the percentage of graduates that remain in the church. (I believe there are several contributing factors to this, not just this one)
What has been the typical response when this inevitable event occurs? If your church counts weekend attendance using more than 3 zeros you transition them on to the 18-24 year old program. If not, we either send them off to “big church” not expecting to ever see them again or we make them a volunteer leader in the youth ministry. Any of these, especially in smaller churches, have minimal rates of success (typically) and sometimes produce more problems.
Right now after celebrating another graduation season and taking a hard truthful look at our entire youth ministry I am wondering how we can do better. I have been working with teenagers for over a decade and my personal track record does not beat the average of how many of those former youth group members are actively living for and serving God. Here are a few hard questions I have asked myself.
Does relationship end at the same time as their program attendance?
The core message of the Bible is relationship; with God, with other Christians, and with the world. Even guys I have personally discipled for years I hardly ever (or never) talk to after graduation. Yes, there is a list of excuses, not to mention the list of new students that come in as the old ones graduate, but I am embarrassed to admit how bad I am at keeping in touch.
Ultimately it is not MY relationship with them that matters most, but their relationship with God. If all we have done in our four to six years with them is attaching their faith to our programs we are setting them up for failure. They need to know how to grow in their faith on their own, not just at church.
What is my real goal for them?
Is the goal of youth ministry behavior modification? For a lot of parents, church boards, and even youth workers it is. I realize how bad that sounds, but if we feel successful based on how many students are in the church’s graduating class, and how many of those are still virgins and/or don’t have a criminal record then it probably is.
Our goal for them needs to be spiritual transformation. Programs can certainly aid in that goal, but they are just a means to this goal, not the goal itself. A lot of what I see in the youth ministry world is program ideas. I need some more spiritual transformation ideas. I know how to entertain students, I am still trying to figure out more ways I can aid God in transforming them from His creation to His child. How can I help them move God from just savior to actually being their Lord? From trying so hard to blend into the world to sharing God’s heart and wanting to change the world?
Every student that I meet is going to get too old to attend our youth ministry. I don’t want to be a part of setting them up for failure any longer. Are you with me? What are some of your “spiritual transformation” ideas?
Thoughts From The Past Thursday: God did a miracle at Jr. High summer camp!
This week I wanted to share with you once again one of the defining events of my life and ministry. This was originally posted June 28th, 2011. Enjoy!
God has done a miracle!
This past week at Jr. High summer camp, God did an incredible miracle. I shared with my church the story of this miracle in the main service last Sunday, so for the details of the story I will let you hear it straight from my mouth:
The Scriptures I used in this message are:
2 Timothy 3:4-5
Ephesians 6:10-12
John 8:44
Acts 2:17
Psalms 29:7
Luke 8:43-46
Philippians 4:7
1 Timothy 4:12
Acts 2:12-13
Acts 2:47
Acts 3:19
Romans 10:9-10
There are two things that God has re-iterated in my mind and heart since this miracle happened.
1. I must now do what I have been telling students to do for years
I have said to students literally hundreds of times “no one can ever argue with your changed life.” I realize that some people are not going to believe that what we experienced at camp was real. but that decision by them does not change what happened or how real it was. This was the most real thing I have ever experienced in my life.
2. I am seeing what I wrote in my book actually happen
I wrote in my book that youth ministry will lead the way in changing the entire church. Not only did God do this miracle through an 8th grade boy, but during the response time on Sunday I saw teenagers who were at camp praying over adults as they accepted Christ and/or rededicated their lives to Christ. God has begun changing our church and our youth are leading the way. I am still amazed as I watch this happen in front of me. Now I just need to live out what God led me to write.
Thoughts From the Past Thursday: Leading the Way or Hindering the Journey?
This post has been getting quite a bit of traffic lately, and I am not sure why. But, that is why I chose to share it again this week. It was originally posted July 11th, 2011.
When was the last time you thought about your own spiritual journey? If you are a Spiritual leader of any kind; a youth worker, a parent, or a believer for that matter you need to think about it.
Over the past several months of my life, I have thought a lot about my own spiritual journey. It started with my bike wreck; you can read about that here. It continued with a visit to Spokane,WA and the church I accepted Christ as my personal savior at when I was six years old.
It continued as I sought God about the youth ministry I lead, evaluate how we are doing things, and what needs to change for us to move forward. And it all seemed to culminate at Jr. High camp a few weeks ago (you can read about that here and how it affected me here).
I am sure there has been much written about spiritual journeys and the transformation process, but a summary that has helped me sort all this out is from George Barna’s recent book Maximum Faith. He summarizes it as 10 stops on the transformation journey:
Stop 1: Ignorance of and indifferent to sin
Stop 2: Aware of and indifferent to sin
Stop 3: Concerned about the implications of personal sin
Stop 4: Confess sins and ask Jesus Christ to be their savior
Stop 5: Commitment to faith activities (behavior modification)
Stop 6: Experience a prolonged period of spiritual discontent
Stop 7: Experiencing personal brokenness
Stop 8: Choosing to surrender and submit fully to God: radical dependence (Jesus becomes Lord)
Stop 9: Enjoy a profound intimacy with and love for God
Stop 10: Experience a profound compassion and love for humanity (see the world through God’s eyes)
*The parenthesis is my interpretation/summary/clarification of the stop
Where are you at on this transformation journey? Especially if you are a full time pastor, chances are you have not had to honestly answer that question in many years, maybe never. Many people never make it beyond stop 6, and during that time of spiritual discontent either leave the church completely (like after graduation) or settle back into stop 5 thinking that is all the church, and God, has to offer them. So where are you?
I can honestly tell you that God, over the past few years or so, has slung me from stop 5 to stop 9 in a whirlwind of experiences. As I reflect on all this, two key things keep popping up in my mind and heart.
I cannot lead someone where I have not been myself
Most churches (especially youth ministries) do a great job programming up to stop 5. Stop 6 through 10 become very personal and nearly impossible to program. The only way I can help anyone through those last five stops is by personal encouragement, prayer, and leading by example (sounds a lot like discipleship). If I have not gone through those stops myself, I cannot guide anyone else through them. It does not matter if that person is a teenager, my own sons, or my next door neighbor. If I have not navigated through those stops, no one I am leading will either.
I will not ask a student to do something I will not do myself
This has been one of my core values as a youth worker from day one. I tell my volunteer team this applies to everything from scrubbing a toilet on a retreat to reading my Bible daily and everything in between. We all follow what we see before what we hear, especially if you are under the age of 18. So what example are you setting? Not by what you say, teach, or preach; by what you do. Your own spiritual journey is the most important thing for you to focus on as a spiritual leader, yet the more we “do” the more we tend to neglect our own faith.
When is the last time you read the Bible just to read, not for a lesson or to prepare a message? When have you prayed for more than a few minutes and not done all the talking? When have you been in silence for more than the time it takes to go to the bathroom? When did you last fast?
1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV) 1Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
What example are you really setting?
Perception Isn’t Reality…But It Is.
Most every youth worker has had a similar experience: You must have a heart to heart talk with a student. A behavior problem, the rumor mill, or a social situation turned bad and you have to step in. So you gracefully talk it through, even pray for them and end with a hug (side one of course). Everything is resolved…until they go and tell their friends and their parents that they got yelled at by their youth pastor.
You work hard to keep a healthy balance in your life. You are careful what you say yes to, you guard your evenings at home, you give your all when at church or an event, and you even turn your phone off sometimes. Yet there are still people who think you don’t do enough at church and your kids still say that Daddy is hardly ever home.
It happens often, I have seen it happen several times recently in my life and ministry; what people perceive they believe as truth. Often times information is miss-interpreted, facts are ignored, an assumption is made, and suddenly whatever was perceived is now more truth than what actually happened.
Especially within the church, decisions get made largely on perception and not always on truth. Churches are made up of people, and every person at some point has acted on a false perception. It has been done to me, and I have done it to others. Recently a ministry friend was fired from his church because of perception, not facts. Listening to his story was difficult, but somewhat predictable.
As a leader, whether in the church or not, you need to be aware of this concept, and try to counteract it as much as possible. Here are a few things that have helped me.
Look at possible perceptions of a situation, not just the facts.
We recently hired a new youth intern at my church. Every intern I have ever had serve with me before now has been male. We hired a female this time. My office (and intern offices) are in a separate building on our property – so her office had to be moved into the main building. That decision was completely based on possible perceptions, not on facts.
While preparing a message, make sure you think about how your words could be perceived, not just about what you are going to say. Ask yourself if you are reacting to a situation or to your perception of the situation. As a leader, especially in the church, you need to think one step past the facts and look at the possible perceptions.
Realize you are accountable to God first.
Even if you take perceptions into account, you are going to make decisions that others don’t like. That is a reality of leadership. If you acted completely based on possible perceptions you would end up not doing anything…ever.
Romans 9:1 (NLT) With Christ as my witness, I speak with utter truthfulness. My conscience and the Holy Spirit confirm it.
Paul understands that his words are being perceived as harsh, but he also knows that he is accountable to God for his leadership. He was not willing to change his message so everyone listening would feel good. If you made every decision based on possible perceptions that is exactly what you would be doing. If God has called you to Spiritual leadership, whether with teenagers or otherwise, know that you are accountable to Him first.
Once again, a proper balance must be found. Stay true to what God has called you to do as a leader, but you can also side step a few potential land mines if you think about the possible perceptions before you act.
When has perception blown up in your face? Do you act more on facts or perception?
What Identity are You Fulfilling?
Perhaps you have noticed, I have not posted for a week. Since returning home from SYMC my life has been crazy. I have been fulfilling a lot of different identities and “blogger” has not been one of them. I have been living out part of my book (The Youth Ministry Paradigm) the past several days. Since it is going to be out in a month or two, I want to give you a preview. This excerpt is from chapter 4:
We all fill a number of different identities in our day-to-day life. No matter what profession or stage of life you are in, we all wear different “hats”: sometimes it’s the friend hat, sometimes it’s the football fanatic hat, other times it’s the crazed driver hat. The paradigm asks that the only hat we wear is the youth worker hat and everything else we do must fit under it, if there is room.
If God is not asking you to change who you are in order to fulfill the ministry He wants you to do, what is His direction? We all know it is impossible to truly fulfill every identity that presents itself in our daily life. God does not expect you to be able to fulfill every identity that is presented to you. He does expect you to fulfill every identity you say yes to. Therefore, we as youth workers have to learn that “no” is not a bad word.
Obviously there are some identities we should not say no to, like Christian, family member, and me. Yet sometimes these are the only ones we say no to. But these are not the identities that typically dominate our ministry life. The ones that do dominate our lives are the ones we might need to say no to, like website designer, office manager, janitor, addiction specialist, professional counselor, stand-up comedian, etc, etc. Where most youth workers mess up is that they don’t put all these identities into a healthy priority list. Most people don’t even have a list, much less actually prioritize it.
In first Timothy chapter three, Paul describes what the life of a leader in the church should be like. He basically makes a list of identities we need to fulfill. As you read through this passage, notice the identities Paul describes.
1 Timothy 3:1 – 13 (NLT) 1It is a true saying that if someone wants to be an elder, he desires an honorable responsibility. 2For an elder must be a man whose life cannot be spoken against. He must be faithful to his wife. He must exhibit self-control, live wisely, and have a good reputation. He must enjoy having guests in his home and must be able to teach. 3He must not be a heavy drinker or be violent. He must be gentle, peace loving, and not one who loves money. 4He must manage his own family well, with children who respect and obey him. 5For if a man cannot manage his own household, how can he take care of God’s church? 6An elder must not be a new Christian, because he might be proud of being chosen so soon, and the Devil will use that pride to make him fall. 7Also, people outside the church must speak well of him so that he will not fall into the Devil’s trap and be disgraced. 8In the same way, deacons must be people who are respected and have integrity. They must not be heavy drinkers and must not be greedy for money. 9They must be committed to the revealed truths of the Christian faith and must live with a clear conscience. 10Before they are appointed as deacons, they should be given other responsibilities in the church as a test of their character and ability. If they do well, then they may serve as deacons. 11In the same way, their wives must be respected and must not speak evil of others. They must exercise self-control and be faithful in everything they do. 12A deacon must be faithful to his wife, and he must manage his children and household well. 13Those who do well as deacons will be rewarded with respect from others and will have increased confidence in their faith in Christ Jesus.
What identities are in there? What identities did you expect would be in there, but aren’t? Notice that Paul concludes that living life the way you should, will ultimately increase your faith. Is your current list of identities in an order that is increasing your faith? If not, change is needed.
When was the last time you were really alone? Remember what happened in Jacob’s life right before God showed up to institute change in him? He ended up completely alone. My guess is that you cannot remember the last time you were truly alone for more than a few minutes; and no, the bathroom stall does not count. The first step in allowing God to work in a new way is to get alone, have God show up, and wrestle some things out with Him if need be.
While you are alone, make a list of all the identities you fulfill in your life. Think through your daily and weekly routines and write down every identity where you spend any amount of time. Once you have your list, prioritize it according to your real life. Then compare your list to the Biblical priority list. As you compare these two lists, remember the question I already raised: are you an example worthy of following by the students you minister to? A hard question to admit the truth about I know, but if you continue to ignore it, God cannot work in a new way.
As I said, I am living this out…again…right now. I hope it can help you as it has helped me.
Conform or Transform?
I have been thinking a lot about spiritual transformation and how that really happens lately, especially with how that effects youth ministry. This past weekend I lead our senior high students through a weekend retreat, and I felt led to do something different this year. Before I get into what we did and how it worked, let me first give you the scriptural basis.
Romans 12:2 (NIV) 2 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Transform, don’t conform. This verse talks about not conforming to the world, which obviously we don’t want students to do. But I also think that a lot of Christians, teenagers or not, are still just conforming; the only difference is what they are conforming to. The Christian RELIGION is about conforming your life to a new set of rules or list of do’s and don’ts. But CHRISTIANITY is supposed to be about transforming, which is rooted in relationship with Christ. Look back over the messages/teaching/Bible studies you have done in the past few months. Have you talked about relationship as much as you have talked about modifying behavior? I have challenged myself to constantly ask that question because I want to point these students toward transformation, not just conforming to a different standard. Everyone’s transformation journey starts with changing the standard we conform to, I am not saying that we don’t need religion. In fact it plays a very important part in our transformation journey, but we can’t be content with stopping there.
Colossians 2:19 (NIV) 19 He has lost connection with the Head [Christ], from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.
Only God can transform someone. Only God can make the body grow. As a youth worker and a Spiritual leader, I must realize this. It is a lot easier to program someone toward conforming than toward transforming. I must seek God on when is the right time for me to get in front and teach and when I need to get out of the way and let the Holy Spirit do the teaching.
These are the thoughts and verses that dictated our retreat this last weekend. I looked at the students that were going and where I thought they were Spiritually, and realized I needed to change my plan of attack. The weekend was awesome…and I will tell you about it in the next post!
Until then I challenge you to look at yourself and your own teaching and ask the question: Am I facilitating transformation or just conforming to a different standard?
You need an “Iron Level Person”
“I feel closer to God right now than probably any other time in my life, yet I feel like a dismal failure in just about everything I am doing.”
I recently met with my accountability partner, who is also a youth worker in my area, and this was one of my first statements to him. His response: “me too!”
I have known him for several years, we have shared a lot with each other. At one point we even shared an office, although I can only remember one time that we were ever both working in it at the same time.
We have been official accountability partners for the past three or four years, and it always has amazed me how we seem to be dealing with the same things at the same time. We work in different churches. We have a completely different circle of friends. Our families know of each other but rarely ever get together. We have very similar outlooks on life and on ministry. These are all reasons why I feel so incredibly blessed to have him in my life and why our relationship is so valuable. There are two verses that perfectly summarize our friendship.
James 5:16 (NIV) Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Because very few things in our lives cross paths it creates a very safe place for us both to be completely honest. I trust him completely, and he doesn’t know the people I need to vent about. He can give me Godly advice and tell me the truth about myself. I know he prays for me, and that brings a lot of comfort and assurance into my life. He knows all of my biggest victories and biggest failures; other than God and my wife he probably knows the most about who I am.
Proverbs 27:17 (NIV) As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.
After we talk, I always feel refreshed. There is no area of our lives that is off limits in our conversations, so I feel like a better Christian, a better husband, a better dad, and a better youth worker than I did before we talked. Sometimes I talk the entire time, other times he does. We share struggles, and victories, frustrations, and praises. We pray for each other and part ways feeling “sharper”.
This world can be a lonely place (especially as a youth worker), and I hope you have at least a few “iron level people” in your life like I do. If you don’t, then start praying for God to lead you to one. This relationship did not happen by accident, it was purposefully pursued and kindled and built.
1. Pray for God to show you the right person.
2. Act on His leading and ask that person if they are interested in this kind of relationship.
3. Actually meet on a regular basis.
I hope you don’t feel like a dismal failure in all you are doing, but if (I mean when) you do I hope you have someone to confide in that will pray for you and help you to keep going. If you would like me to pray for you to find the right iron level person let me know on my prayer page or in the comments and I will pray with you!
You Need Friends!
Every time I hear the phrase “Youth Ministry Veteran” I have to give a little chuckle. By most conventional definitions I qualify as a youth ministry veteran, which is exactly why it is funny to me. I don’t feel like I know youth ministry, or how to successfully do it well enough to bear the title veteran; perhaps to have that title you need to do more than just last more than 10 years. I do feel I have a few ideas on what has helped me be successful, I have just as many ideas on what has lead to my failures, but most of all I know I still have a lot to learn.
One of the biggest things that has kept me a youth worker for more than ten years, and continues to help me last today is my connections, relationships, and friendships with other youth workers. Honestly that is what I look forward to the most when I go to a conference; meeting more youth ministry friends.
In recent weeks, I have realized how many significant relationships with other youth workers I have been blessed with in my life. I have connected with several of them through chat on the computer, phone calls, personal meetings, coffee shop conversations, and social networking a lot lately. The amazing thing to me is realizing how much each of them has poured their own lives and ministries into me, and how much that has helped me. I hope they feel it has gone both ways.
Hebrews 12:1 (NLT) Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.
There are two things described in this verse that will destroy you as a youth worker:
Sin that trips you up
We all know of many wonderful Christian leaders that are on the “major moral failure” list. Hopefully I or you never get on that list. But the fact remains we are sinners, and we will be tempted, and we all desperately need good accountability in our lives. Long before anyone ends up on that list, smaller sins started to creep into their lives. Especially as a youth worker or pastor it can be hard to find a person that you can be completely open with, but who better than another youth worker? They understand the pressures you face, they understand your attitude toward “that” student or “that” parent, and they don’t know anyone that goes to your church!
Weight that slows you down
It could be a sinful attitude, it could be the busy summer calendar, it could be the stress of balancing church and family life. The possibilities are virtually endless of what might be weighing you down, but if you are lonely the weight will only get worse. A lot of youth workers are lonely. Obviously relationship is the key to combating loneliness. I mean true relationship, not 800 twitter followers, but face to face, life on life, real person relationship with someone that understands the life you lead as a youth worker. No one understands better than another youth worker.
One of the main reasons I am still “running the race” of youth ministry is because of the crowd of other youth workers I have had significant relationships with. No matter whether you are a “veteran” youth worker or just getting started, you need these types of relationships with other youth workers.
Do whatever you have to do to make them happen. Go to http://www.youthworkers.net and find a NNYM local network, attend one of the great youth conferences out there, reconnect with college friends, even call through your phone book to find other youth workers in your area. Do whatever it takes to make these relationships start, and then stick with them. It will take some work and lots of prayer, but it is most definitely worth it all!
Leading the Way or Hindering the Journey?
When was the last time you thought about your own spiritual journey? If you are a Spiritual leader of any kind; a youth worker, a parent, or a believer for that matter you need to think about it.
Over the past several months of my life, I have thought a lot about my own spiritual journey. It started with my bike wreck; you can read about that here. It continued with a visit to Spokane,WA and the church I accepted Christ as my personal savior at when I was six years old.
It continued as I sought God about the youth ministry I lead, evaluate how we are doing things, and what needs to change for us to move forward. And it all seemed to culminate at Jr. High camp a few weeks ago (you can read about that here and how it affected me here).
I am sure there has been much written about spiritual journeys and the transformation process, but a summary that has helped me sort all this out is from George Barna’s recent book Maximum Faith. He summarizes it as 10 stops on the transformation journey:
Stop 1: Ignorance of and indifferent to sin
Stop 2: Aware of and indifferent to sin
Stop 3: Concerned about the implications of personal sin
Stop 4: Confess sins and ask Jesus Christ to be their savior
Stop 5: Commitment to faith activities (behavior modification)
Stop 6: Experience a prolonged period of spiritual discontent
Stop 7: Experiencing personal brokenness
Stop 8: Choosing to surrender and submit fully to God: radical dependence (Jesus becomes Lord)
Stop 9: Enjoy a profound intimacy with and love for God
Stop 10: Experience a profound compassion and love for humanity (see the world through God’s eyes)
*The parenthesis is my interpretation/summary/clarification of the stop
Where are you at on this transformation journey? Especially if you are a full time pastor, chances are you have not had to honestly answer that question in many years, maybe never. Many people never make it beyond stop 6, and during that time of spiritual discontent either leave the church completely (like after graduation) or settle back into stop 5 thinking that is all the church, and God, has to offer them. So where are you?
I can honestly tell you that God, over the past few years or so, has slung me from stop 5 to stop 9 in a whirlwind of experiences. As I reflect on all this, two key things keep popping up in my mind and heart.
I cannot lead someone where I have not been myself
Most churches (especially youth ministries) do a great job programming up to stop 5. Stop 6 through 10 become very personal and nearly impossible to program. The only way I can help anyone through those last five stops is by personal encouragement, prayer, and leading by example (sounds a lot like discipleship). If I have not gone through those stops myself, I cannot guide anyone else through them. It does not matter if that person is a teenager, my own sons, or my next door neighbor. If I have not navigated through those stops, no one I am leading will either.
I will not ask a student to do something I will not do myself
This has been one of my core values as a youth worker from day one. I tell my volunteer team this applies to everything from scrubbing a toilet on a retreat to reading my Bible daily and everything in between. We all follow what we see before what we hear, especially if you are under the age of 18. So what example are you setting? Not by what you say, teach, or preach; by what you do. Your own spiritual journey is the most important thing for you to focus on as a spiritual leader, yet the more we “do” the more we tend to neglect our own faith.
When is the last time you read the Bible just to read, not for a lesson or to prepare a message? When have you prayed for more than a few minutes and not done all the talking? When have you been in silence for more than the time it takes to go to the bathroom? When did you last fast?
1 Corinthians 11:1 (NIV) 1Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.
What example are you really setting?
